I went for dinner with some friends on Friday night. (I know, you’re shocked that I actually have friends) We had a good time; luckily for me there was one other person there who wasn’t an elementary school teacher. That means I had someone to talk to about things that weren’t about which staff members they secretly hate. So that was a bonus.

As me and my buddy were talking Blue Jays baseball, I overheard one of the female teachers say the following:

“I would never sign a pre-nup.”

She piqued my curiosity. I asked her why. (I’m paraphrasing here)

“Any guy who really loved me wouldn’t make me sign one.”

Being a fairly successful single guy, I’ve thought about pre-nups. My view is that I’ve worked too hard to have some girl cheat on me and end up with half the assets that I brought into the relationship. I’ve got no problem giving her half of what we accumulated together, but in the case of a divorce, the last thing I’d want is for my ex-wife to be reaping the rewards from my hard work.

Now if we were still married, then absolutely I’d want her to think that everything that’s mine is her’s too. That’s the whole thing about marriage. Marriage is a partnership, a special kind of partnership. But it’s a partnership that, chances are, won’t end very well. Just because I face the reality of the situation doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love.

(As an aside, I’m watching the Grammy’s as I type this. Lady Gaga is weird. Also, could Elton John be any more gay?)

As we continued to discuss the pre-nup issue, I realized why I was the only one at the table who was in favor. I was the only one with something financially to lose. Everyone at that table wants to find true love, but only one of us has something tangible to lose. Having a marriage break up is bad enough, let alone having to lose half of your assets.

As I type this, I’m beginning to realize this is kind of sounding greedy. But guess what? Money is logical. Love is not. There is no place for emotion when it comes to money. Love and money are two completely independent things, and frankly, one should have absolutely nothing to do with the other.

What if my wife was successful herself and was bringing in her own assets into the marriage? I would still insist on a pre-nup, however this one would protect both of us, not just me.

So ladies, don’t ever marry me. I insist on things like logic, and that’s terribly unromantic. No wonder I’m probably going to die alone.

Tell everyone, yo!