While playing Monopoly the other day, I realized some of the cards in both Community Chest and Chance are incredibly unrealistic. Granted, the game was created in the 1930s, so obviously things were a little different back then. Let’s have a little fun and have a look at some of the most out there Community Chest cards. Tomorrow, we’ll have a look at Chance cards.

1. Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.

Let me give you guys a little tip. If the bank makes an error in your favor, don’t just take the money and run. I’ve done it before and believe me, it doesn’t work out for the best. Eventually the bank figures out they’ve screwed up and they come calling. They will end up getting their money back one way or the other. Just fess up and tell them they’ve screwed up. You’ll save a lot of headaches.

At the same time, why should it be your job to police the bank? It shouldn’t be. Don’t think about it, just do it. You’ll save yourself a lot of aggravation.

2. Receive for services $25

It’s not so much that receiving $25 for doing something is very unrealistic. In fact, give it a few more years and the amount may very well be funny because it’s too low. $25 isn’t an unreasonable amount of money to give someone for doing work.

No, the problem is what Uncle Pennybags is doing to get that cash. He’s acting as minister for that couple’s wedding! Look at the groom and how surprised he is to have to pay. I’m suspecting Uncle Pennybags isn’t a qualified and licensed minister.

In fact, I may even go out on a limb here and suggest he may have gotten his license off the internet. Let that be a lesson to you kids- don’t perform wedding ceremonies without the proper license. Uncle Pennybags may have made some money, but you won’t.

3. Life insurance matures. Collect $100

This isn’t typically good news because when your life insurance matures you’re, well, dead.

4. Second prize in a beauty contest. Collect $10

So, so many things wrong with this card.

First of all, I’m never going to win second prize in a beauty contest. Ever. Even if they give all sorts of points to the talent competition, I’m still screwed. I have no looks. I have no talent. I do have a special skill for getting pity dates, so that helps.

And then we have the prize. $10? That’s it? Beauty contests are big business these days. Winners are going home with cars, fancy things or large amounts of cash. Getting second place these days is worth way more than $10.

As an aside, I’m all for hot girls in bikinis and everything, but aren’t beauty pagents kind of stupid? I can’t even watch them.

5. Get out of jail free

I’ve never been to jail or anything, but isn’t getting out of jail free once you’ve served your time?

Maybe they mean that you don’t pay any bail, or that you get out of whatever fine you have.

I never tried to sell my get out of jail free card. I wonder how much money you could get for it?

Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow on Chance cards.

Tell everyone, yo!