Even though I boldly predicted that nobody would ever let me host a carnival again after the debacle that was the Carnival of Personal Finance a few weeks ago, here I am hosting again, this time the Carnival of Wealth. Your usual hosts at Control Your Cash needed someone to step up to the plate this week, probably because they planned a rockin’ party filled with booze, cocaine, orgies, midgets, old socks, and the least attractive half of Las Vegas’s hooker population. Or, as they call it, Saturday night. Either that, or they’re hosting some other carnival. What am I supposed to do, research?
Luckily for them, I have absolutely nothing better to do with my weekend, since I’m a loser with no friends. The way the world works is you can have either a blog, or friends, but not both. Fortunately for you guys, I chose a blog. You’re welcome.
That’s enough preamble. Let’s get to it.
None. You all suck.
I haven’t read any of the submissions at this point. I’m just assuming they’re all terrible.
Here Are Some Submissions
Today’s first submission comes from Afford Anything, who tries to figure out what’s wrong with most money advice. I have to give Paula credit for her gumption, submitting that article to a carnival host who has been known to mock poor money advice.
Attention every single blogger who submitted a post that’s just a thinly veiled attempt to get people to sign up for a credit card. Enough. Enough with these posts. Enough with submitting them to carnivals. I understand the desire to monetize your blog. But don’t think that a post soliciting people to get a new credit card is worthy enough to submit to a carnival. Cause I ain’t gonna run them.
Wallet Watcher debates whether you should buy an extended warranty for an Apple MacBook. They spend a whole post looking at the pros and cons, and then leave the post with: “So, do you need AppleCare? That’s really a question only you can answer.” No, it’s not. Let me answer it for you. YOU DO NOT NEED APPLE CARE. Also, what’s the point of typing 800 words about something just to not actually have an opinion about it?
Ah, our first list post of the week. That didn’t take long. Funancials presents us with a list of 5 people that’ll make you smarter. Personally, I like to hang out with really stupid people, then I’ll just look smarter by comparison.
Invest it Wisely compares saving to planting a tree. It turns out all you need to do is start saving money, and then you’ll have your very own money tree. Okay, it’s not really a tree. It’s more like a bush. Or maybe a fern. It’s definitely some sort of plant though. The post does advocate paying yourself first which I’m a huge fan of, so kudos for that.
The author of Free Money Finance claims his name is Jon The Saver. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that’s not his real name. He’s got some ideas to help market a new business, without spending 11 billion dollars to do so. They’re all pretty obvious tips.
My University Money has a post on the third most talked about topic on the whole personal finance blog-o-net, making money online. Except, it turns out the folks at My University Money didn’t actually write the post. Then, in the comments, they freely admit they get someone else to handle all their advertising. I guess what I’m saying is you shouldn’t go there if you’re looking for someone who knows anything about making money online.
Sustainable Personal Finance debates whether debt consolidation is a good idea. I can sum up in one line what took them a whole post. Yes, you should, provided the interest rate is lower and you actually pay the damn thing off.
Wealth Pilgrim is aiming high with his entry this week, wondering how young people can invest to be fabulously rich. Step 2 in his process is that they should move away from their parents and their rent free basement. Sorry Neal, adding hundreds of dollars in expenses per month is a pretty poor way to get wealthy. Other than that though, decent post.
Here Are More Submissions
I was just thinking to myself how this carnival needs more crazy. Right on cue is our next entry, psychic Erin Pavlina, with her post from 2009. I’m not going to link to it, for all sorts of reasons. According to her site, she has the ability to astral project (whatever that is), have lucid dreams and she regularly communicates with dead people. And yet, she still can’t follow simple directions about submitting a post that’s 2 years old to a blog carnival. If she really was psychic, she would have known this, and then not submitted it. Boom, just proved psychics don’t exist.
Dr. Dean is up next, from the Millionaire Nurse blog. What I don’t understand is that Dr. Dean is a guy, he writes a blog called the Millionaire Nurse, when being a nurse is a girl’s job. I have a (male) cousin who is a nurse. He picks up less chicks than you’d think, considering he’s surrounded by them all day. Oh, Dr. Dean’s post is about protecting yourself from natural disasters.
Hey, did you know a bad credit score can mean you’ll pay more for credit, have higher auto insurance rates and even affect your ability to get a job? Yep, so does everyone else. Not your best effort, guest poster on One Cent At A Time.
The fine folks of RothIRA.com are tackling the topic of dividends this week, specifically whether you should reinvest them. After reading the post, twice, I’m still not sure whether you should or shouldn’t. So what do I care? Do whatever the hell you want.
Keeping the party going is Crystal from Budgeting In The Fun Stuff. She’s self employed now, and has to deal with irregular income. If you’re making the amount of money Crystal is, this isn’t such a big problem. Hey Crystal, can I borrow $500? I promise I won’t blow it all on cheeseburgers and golf.
My Personal Finance Journey posts about one financial thing they’d do over if given the opportunity. What would be my financial do over? Well, I do kind of regret sending all that money to Russia for a mail order bride. Four times. Oh Svetlana, we’ll be together soon.
Up next is Bankman, from some website named Highyieldsavingsaccounts. You would think his entry would be about those savings accounts, but he’s thrown us all a curveball, writing about annuities. I think he writes about the risks of the products. I don’t know, I couldn’t make it through the post. Don’t quit your day job, Bankman.
Hey, a blog that doesn’t suck. Flexo from Consumerism Commentary gives the 411 on tutoring for extra cash. Personally, I tried to act in porn as a sideline business. It turns out I’m such a bad actor that even porn didn’t want me.
Do you use a rewards chequing account? Some obscure credit union is offering one, and Madison from My Dollar Plan is on that like a fat kid on a cupcake.
Are We Done Yet?
Hmm, a post basically listing gold stocks that’s over a month old? Nah. Sorry Stock Market Basics, but your submission sucks.
Boomer and Echo (or, as I’ve dubbed them, the MILF and who cares) are angry about the high fees charged by Canadian mutual funds. And well they should be. High mutual fund fees make me want to punch a kitten. Again.
Whoa, an article that bucks conventional wisdom and tugs at my contrarian heart strings? ETF Base sure does know how to make this blogger weak in the knees. Dan’s post is about shorting U.S. treasuries, outlining ways to do it using options. Read this, it doesn’t suck.
Darwin, our next submitter from Darwin’s Money, is a bit of a downer. He just bummed me out by informing me that older Americans are going to wreck my life. It’s okay though, I’ll get them back by locking them up in a home and giving them the same damn shower safety seat every Christmas. Hey, it worked for my grandparents.
The Military Wallet is up next, listing the types of investments, for the 4 people who might ever read this blog who aren’t sure what a bond is. Hey, does anyone know why I have the sudden urge to point and laugh at a bunch of Iraqi prisoners?
No Cash Money Life, I’m not going to link at your post that’s just an excuse to collect affiliate links from online brokerages.
Wrapping things up is Mike from Money Smarts Blog, who tears into the old adage of using a percentage of your house’s value to estimate maintenance costs. This is, by far, the most detailed look at home maintenance I’ve ever seen. It borders on a little OCD. Still, great post.
It’s time for everyone to go. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. Thanks for your submissions.