Congratulations! You’ve finally decided to take the plunge and launch your own product, leveraging the success of your blog into untold riches. Your potential for future earnings is basically limitless. After all, everybody is on the internet, even Nelson’s Grandma. If you can just sell one e-book to everyone, you’ll end up with at least a million dollars in profit. Maybe even more.
But, in order to do that, you’ve got to have a plan. I’m not talking about some crappy plan like the Maginot Line or whoever came up with the idea to split Netflix into two. No, this plan has got to be good. Because if you screw up just one detail, you’ll be stuck working your crappy day job forever. And I’ve heard day jobs suck more than an episode of The Big Bang Theory. At least, I think. I’ve never watched an episode of that particular show.
Dammit, now I’m distracted. Let’s do this thing.
Step 1- Hint Dropping Time
Screw actually having a topic, you can pull something out of your ass in 5 minutes. Take a few hours to write some of it, and then hire some guy out of India to do the rest. And then, when he’s done, hire some other guy out of India to edit it so it doesn’t sound like somebody who barely speaks English wrote it. You’re not going to have time to write it, since you’ve got promotin’ to do!
Starting about 6 weeks before launch, start dropping hints about this project you’re working on. You’ll want to use words like massive, epic and legendary a lot, since you want to create the impression your thrown together e-book is going to change people’s lives. Post Twitter and Facebook updates at like 2 A.M. which talk about how hard you’re working on your project. This would probably be a good time to learn how to schedule updates ahead of time.
Because you went to the Financial Bloggers Conference, you’ve been promoting the hell out of your e-mail newsletter for months now, because either Ramit or Baker told you to. As you compose your newsletter, take special care to mention your upcoming launch in every single paragraph. Present your product as the ticket to make all their non-sexual dreams come true. As long as you think it’s the greatest thing ever, then it’s gotta be true.
Step 2- Make A Landing Page
A week or two before you launch that bad boy, you’re going to want to make a landing page. This is where you’ll send prospective customers when they want some information on your product. What should you put on this landing page? Great question, I’m glad I asked it.
First thing, you should use this landing page to dismiss any legitimate criticisms people may have against your product. If somebody thinks the price is too high, call them cheap and stupid for not investing in their future. If someone questions the quality of the content, point them to your best posts and then call them cheap and stupid. And if someone has the audacity to question your qualifications, feel free to insult them again and maybe call their mother fat. You don’t have time for people who actually question what they buy! You’ve got products to sell, dammit!
I think you should mention your price on the landing page, but not before you write at least a thousand words on how awesome your product is. Feel free to repeat yourself as many times as needed. Point out how great of a deal this is, and for God’s sake, DON’T TELL PEOPLE THEY CAN GET THIS INFORMATION FOR FREE SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THE INTERNET.
Step 3- The Launch
It’s time to launch this beast. Since you’ve been constantly dropping hints for weeks, your fans will be chomping at the bit to exchange their cash for whatever it is you’re selling. That’s great, but we’re going for more than that here. Remember, unless you sell to one million people, your product isn’t a success. Well, unless you charge like 12 grand for the damn thing, but no one would be stupid enough to do that in real life.
Finally, the day has come for you to launch your product. Is all the work over? Hardly. It’s now time to pimp that ho like you’ve never pimped before. Write all sorts of guest posts on other blogs. Go everywhere you can and mention it. Make sure you’ve got about eleventy billion blog posts scheduled right through the launch, all of which mention it. And just when you think you can’t possibly pimp it anymore… KEEP PIMPING IT YOU QUITTER.
PIMP. PIMP. PIMP. PIMP. PIMP. PIMP. PIMP. (Those 7 pimps are sung to the tune of the George In The Jungle drums)
Here’s a picture of a pimp to keep you motivated.
Keep Pimpin' Boyeee!
I suggest printing it and taping it on the wall. Or, if you really want to get in the theme of things, go buy the get-up. Do whatever you need to do to get in the mood.
Step 4- Spend Your Money
I’d suggest spending it on cocaine and hookers, but it’s really your call. Remember, you will be wearing a pimp costume.
There you have it kids. Once you follow these 4 steps, you’ll be well on your way to conquering the internet. Soon Bill Gates will be hitting you up for cash. You can thank me with 20% of your profits. Or boobs. I like them.
Ebooks remind me of the envelope stuffing scams–do you guys have those in Canada? Anyway, basically the envelope stuffing deal offers $5 for each envelope you stuff. In order to learn how to stuff envelopes and make $5 each, you have to respond to the ad by mailing $5 to some PO Box. You can see where this is going…
The best money will always be made in teaching people absolutely nothing. Dave Ramsey does quite well lying about personal finance; and the “how to make a ton of money online” people make most of their “ton of money” in conning other people to pay to learn how to make a ton of money. I wish people would realize that the tips and techniques that get shared in these courses are irrelevant; the reason this person makes a lot of money only is because he or she is a great SALESPERSON. People who can sell something–anything–will ALWAYS make a ton of money. Following their guides won’t make you a salesperson, no matter how much you pay.
I agree with all of this. If you’re good at selling, you can sell stuff online. People who aren’t good at selling just won’t do well, which is why you’re probably not going to see any sort of product from me anytime soon.
See, I have lots of respect for Derek Foster and even Kiyosaki as salesmen. Heck, they’re almost as good as PT Barnum himself. But I just can’t believe that people buy their stories as authentic and hope to duplicate the results themselves.
Have you been reading Saltydroid.info ? I think Step 1 should be writing a “manifesto”. It makes you look like a really big thinker instead of recycling the same shit that’s been around for the last 2000+ years – all available for free on Gutenberg.
You should also practice writing your posts in your PJ’s by a pool – even if it’s a kiddie pool out on your deck.
I don’t really get how Baker sold as many of his ‘sell your crap’ books as he did. I thought the concept was pretty simple – take your stuff and sell it where you’ll make the most money. Done. It also boggles my mind that Ramit makes much off his Earn 1k course either. Maybe people like to be told what to do.
I went to saltydroid. Quite funny.
It’s a little unfair to take potshots at these products when I’ve never seen their products, but screw it. I’m doing it anyway.
The funny part about this post is that it’s basically true. I can’t believe people actually make money with this methodology.
I don’t actually think that all eBooks are garbage or anything – but the silly landing pages and all the pimping is very predictable!
I’ve been an RSS subscriber for a while, if you’re such an expert Nelson and you have this process down to a T how come I haven’t been receiving e-mail box full of dropped hints linking to horrendous landing pages?
There are a lot of good e-books out there. There’s also a lot of crap. I was mostly making fun of the crap.
I clearly don’t have the ambition to come up with some sort of premium product.
Hahahah! Pimp pimp pimp!!!
I especially like the picture of the pimp.
Insert hooker joke here.
[...] also wrote a post titled: Financial Uproar’s 4 Step Guide to Launching your E-Product. This is hilarious, but if you are a PF blogger with an e-book, be warned, it may piss you off! [...]
I was going to write an e-book how to do this, but you just ruined my business! Now I have to work inside on my laptop instead of working beside the pool
Maybe I can sell an ebook that tells people to come read this post… and generally copy whatever has been done the most for the last 5 years. Then I’ll start writing monthly income reports to boost sales!
I did buy Ramit’s Earn1k course and got value from it. The problem is most people aren’t Ramit and will not work nearly as hard to help others.
Ramit is the best of the group when it comes to shilling. He still uses the same old tricks though, but that’s because they work.
You can learn a lot from these guys and it does work. The funny thing is that so many people learn a few basic skills and immediately try to practice them in the same industry they learned it from. They sell something they don’t know very well, compete against the best online sellers in the world, and go nowhere.
If they took that basic skill level and applied it to a different product where their competition has 0 sales skills (which is pretty common) and they have a lot more experience, they could go pretty far. I actually think a lot of people do this but you don’t hear about them because they’re busy succeeding in something we don’t care about or even think about.
[...] [...]
[...] Nelson, the author of Financial Uproar, literally made me laugh out loud with his post, the 4 Step Guide to Launching Your E-Product. It’s probably not relevant to you unless you’re trying to sell stuff online, but [...]
[...] Financial Uproar: Financial Uproar’s 4 Step Guild To Launching Your E-Product [...]
Nelson,
Congrats on this article debuting at #1 in the Best of Money Carnival this week. I’d like to think we’re better than the other bloggers mentioned but I’m contractually obligated to mention that our latest eBook The Unglamorous Secret to Riches will soon be available as an Amazon single on Kindle!
Betty
PIMP! PIMP! PIMP!
[...] a small group of people could create their own self-sufficient economy. This is also behind the increasing number of online businesses (many fail quickly but a few create something new). As more people do this a new economy will grow [...]