Oh, don’t act so surprised. You knew it was only a matter of time before I wrote a post about boobs.
Ladies, let me tell you a little secret. Us guys, we like the boobs. Big boobs, small boobs, in between sized boobs, we like them all. Even though they’re basically just pieces of fat that only become useful right after you have a baby, we have an unnatural obsession with them. I can go on, but this has already gotten creepy enough. Suffice to say, the fellas are fans.
At some point during a young woman’s life, she will figure out that guys like her boobs. Some women will do nothing with this information, just storing it in their brains beside the knowledge about throw pillows and mascara. Others will figure out that, with the aid of a low cut shirt and a flirty attitude, they can get guys to do almost anything, as long as they just keep him thinking about the boobs. Guys, raise your hand if that’s ever happened to you. Damn, that’s a lot of hands.
With the exception of a few professions, women tend to take this advantage they have and do nothing with it, choosing instead to get ahead based on work ethic and performance. Which, quite frankly, is stupid. If you have an asset, why not use it to your advantage? A woman’s looks and body are just as much an asset as her mind or initiative. Why not use them like you would any other asset?
Lately though, there’s been a fantastic trend, at least over the pond in England. It turns out that women’s breasts are getting larger. The average bra size has jumped from 34B to 36D. At first glance, the cause seems obvious. Women (along with men) are fatter than ever, meaning that their boobs would be larger too. This, however, isn’t really the case, considering the most popular size in England is a 32D, which is a size typical of a slim woman. The article also tells me there’s such thing as a job fitting women with bras. I now know my calling in life.
Anyway, what’s a lady to do if she isn’t blessed with a large chest? Should she just accept who she is, and just tell herself that not all women can have large breasts? She could, or she could get a boob job.
The ladies reading this are rolling their eyes right now. They’re thinking I just want them to get breast implants because I’m a dirty guy who likes big boobs. Ladies, nothing could be further from the truth. My last girlfriend was a 32B, and I thought her boobs were just dandy. As long as a girl doesn’t look like a 12 year old boy when she takes her shirt off, Nelson is quite happy. I don’t want you to go and get enhanced for me. I want you to get enhanced because you’ll benefit.
First off, attractive people make more money than their ugly counterparts. I wrote it, it must be true. Hate it if you want, but women with larger breasts are perceived to be more attractive than their flatter chested sisters. With the exception of a select few male dominated industries, being the pretty girl in the office will get you all sorts of advantages. In fact, studies have shown that beautiful women marry, on average, guys who make more money. Women value a guy who can bring home the bacon, and he values her hotness. Take that, true love.
This may seem obvious to some of you, but it turns out slim waitresses with big boobs will get better tips than smaller chested waitresses. I couldn’t find any data for other professions, but I know that in my industry, a large breasted female sales rep will do very well, especially considering most of her customers are male. The same holds true in all sorts of other industries.
These days, at least in Canada, the cost of implants is $6000-$7000, depending on where you live, the doctor, etc. In certain jobs (stripper, porn star) the decision to get enhanced is a no brainer. But how about in other jobs? If you’re a real estate agent, do you think you’ll get more business because you’re sexier? How about if you’re a financial planner? I’m betting you would. In fact, I’d guess you’d make enough extra to pay back that initial investment fairly quickly.
Meanwhile, if you’re a teacher, or a nurse, or a writer, I’m going to guess you’re not getting any sort of advantage over your peers, with the exception of maybe having an easier time getting a job in the first place, especially if a man is doing the hiring. He’s only smiling because he’s imagining you naked.
Ladies, I, for the record, think you’re all great just the way you are. I don’t think a single one of you needs any sort of plastic surgery, you’re all beautiful just the way you are. However, I’ve been single for a while, so I may not be the most critical judge out there. Maybe a little saline help may be in order. Your wallet might thank you.
I donno, Nelson. I mean, Farrah from Teen Mom got implants, and it doesn’t seem to have taken her career to any new levels. Apparently she can’t even keep a boyfriend!
What do you make of THAT?
Is this true? (Checks Google) Yep, those are definitely implants.
She can’t keep a boyfriend because she’s clearly miserable. I watched Teen Mom for about 20 seconds one night, and I wanted to strangle her.
What do you think about guys getting breast implants? Can I get bigger tips!?
Well, that was creepy.
Two words: push-up bra
Five words: victoria secret miraculous push-up bra
Verdict: no need for implements
I would like to see photographic proof of this, preferably with before and after pictures.
As a heterosexual man, I love that women are so desperate to attract men (and indirectly, money) that they’ll spend thousands of dollars on unnecessary surgery to look sexier.
How can you write about this important topic and not have any pictures?
I did find some pictures during my extensive research. They were not safe for work.
You know you are going to hell, right?
That’s okay. All your friends are there.
And my husband.
lol – now stop trying to see my boobs in my picture.
What do you think would be the cut-off age for getting new, as in bigger, boobs? (cut-off age meaning that the woman is a little too over-the-hill and should just give up already!)
Along with that, should a married woman get them and use them for flirting even though her husband likes her ‘just the way she is’ (yeah, right)?
BTW, these questions are completely rhetorical…lol
Ooh, good questions.
Hmm… I’d say 40 would be the cutoff. Of course, if you’re a hot 40 year old, maybe the cutoff should be a little higher.
As for being married, there’s nothing wrong with flirting, as long as that’s only how far it goes. Your husband will appreciate the new boobs. I’m not sure he’ll appreciate how much they cost though.
I hope no women decidde to get surgery based on a crap post like this. Be yourself. Don’t fall for the social programming
A crap post? Doesn’t Rick know I HAVE FEELINGS?
Do you care at all about the young women that feel they need surgery to be attractive? And now, according to you, to compete in the workplace? I hope you never have daughters.
Very well said.
This article makes me sick. Plus the ignorant author is incorrect in his information, Women with large breasts are taken LESS seriously (which isn’t fair either).
Ladies you are perfect as you are. Just focus on being healthy and in shape. Work on your mind and education, it’s the only way to be truly successful.
Take it easy, Toots. You can’t be that stereotypical, can you? Nelson wrote something inflammatory – though not without its merits – and sure enough, you got inflamed.
“Work on your mind and education, it’s the only way to be truly successful.”
If push came to shove, I’m guessing even you’d admit that you don’t believe that. I guarantee you know at least one attractive, moronic woman (and probably several) who wouldn’t be enjoying anywhere near the prosperity she does if it weren’t for her physical attributes. On a more general level, an idiot like Jenny McCarthy wouldn’t have fame, riches, nor a soapbox from which to deliver her inane opinions if she were homely or even average-looking. Prince William chose a hottie to be his eventual queen. I don’t know if she’s a Mensa member or as dumb as a box of rocks, but I do know that William wasn’t looking for a consort among the plain and the plump. Even Hillary Clinton, who’s no one’s idea of a perfect 10, didn’t start her ascent until she dyed her hair blonde and lost the unflattering glasses.
Looks aren’t everything, but they’re a lot. That goes for both sexes. Mitt Romney is going to be the Republican nominee for president, and Chris Christie didn’t even bothering declaring his candidacy. It’s not because Romney’s that much better a debater.
Taking what you said literally, if women are really “perfect” as they are, then all women are without flaws: there’s no such thing as a physical, mental, nor moral characteristic that any woman needs to improve on, because women are perfect. Your words. If that’s true, why would they even need to focus on being healthy and in shape? A woman with a BMI of 100 is still perfect, therefore she can’t be improved upon. Why should she change?
Unless you don’t really mean that ladies are perfect as they are, and you just said that to curry favor with any questioning women who are reading this. Or perhaps you’re rallying to their defense as some sort of avenging superhero, because you think women are too weak and self-conscious to take this post for what it is.
Rick, you can read this reply too if you like.
Best. Comment. Ever.
Toots? How very patronizing.
So you endorse the idea that women get breast implants to be more successful?
Making oneself more attractive by means of health and style is very different than having major surgery. You sound unbearable.
But thanks for that really long response.
What Greg said.
[...] Nelson asked if breast implants were the key to success, I figured that this would be a fun place to open up this [...]
Back when I was single I dated a lovely woman before and after she got breast implants. In my opinion, it was a huge mistake, though she is quite happy with the result. Before the surgery, her breasts were, well natural, and her nipples grew extremely large when cold or aroused. Now with the skin stretched tight over her silicone orbs, there is no longer a “cold weather effect”.
Yes, fully clothed, she catches the casual eye more now than before, but when it really matters most, it is a turn off.
TMI Ross. Waayyyy TMI.
I had my BA in November 2007. I was pretty sore for the first week, but
after that I recovered quite quickly. I was surprised at how long my arm
movements were restricted for though. It took a month before I was
completely back to my normal routine.
Every woman talks about breast implants, some of them even had the opportunity of having their appearance improved with the help of a plastic surgeon. The thing is that every woman is different, in appearance, in tastes, in attitude. For women with small breasts, the breast augmentation is one of the best ways of regaining their self-confidence and enjoy their life again, being proud of their new appearance. In the end, there is no woman out there who wouldn’t want to be beautiful, no matter what.
Nelson, I agree and apologize to you and your readers my comment was way too much information. In my weak defense, I am not the personal finance blogger who chose to write a post about the subject:) Peace.
Lol. Don’t worry about it Ross. Maybe you could supply some pictures so we can get some more detail on this.
It is a fantastic post in regarding to breast of woman.
[...] whenever you enter a room? Of course you are. And I may have the solution to all your problems. You should get breast implants. You know you want to, and then send me pictures of your new [...]