Dec 312011
 

Did everyone have a good Christmas? (Don’t actually answer that. I don’t really care.)

A few days ago, I’m driving the chip truck on the highway, since part of my route involves driving to a small town about 45 minutes away twice a week. So I’m driving, and a car pulls up behind me, doing a pretty good speed. The chip truck is governed at exactly 106 km/hr, (it gets up to 110 going down hills, which is easily the highlight of my drive) so I get passed a lot. But this guy wouldn’t pass me.

This was kind of weird, so I kept an eye on the car in my mirror. We reached a hill with an actual passing lane, but the car still stayed behind me. Suddenly, I realized what was going on. I was being followed by the cops, in a ghost car. The reason the cop wasn’t passing me is because I was being used to shield him from oncoming motorists.

Right on cue, a car approaches from the other direction. And, like most people on the highway, he’s speeding. I’d estimate he was doing 30 km/hr over the speed limit. I can see him approaching this trap, powerless to do anything. I started yelling at him from inside the cab, like that was going to do anything. “SLOW DOWN! THE COPS ARE RIGHT BEHIND ME!”

He didn’t, and not 3 seconds later, the flashing lights were on and the cops were pulling a very illegal u-turn in the middle of the highway.

It’s New Year’s Eve tonight, which has to be the worst excuse for a celebration ever. Why are you celebrating again? Is it because you made it through another mediocre year? Or it because 2012 is gonna be the best year ever? We both know you’ll break your resolutions by January 22nd. If you actually wanted to quit smoking, you’d have done it months ago.

So yeah, new year’s resolutions are stupid. You should still make a few though.

Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too

Thank baby Jesus that all the Christmas music has finally been eliminated for another year. It’s all horrible.

It’s been a while since we had some Taylor Swift. That is a crime of unimaginable proportions. She’s working on a new album, approximately 35 seconds after her year long world tour finished. Damn woman, take a vacation.

Simpsons Quote Of The Week

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney and I’m an alcoholic.

Clerk: Oh… You want A.A. This is Triple A.

Homer: Hi, my name is Homer and I’m planning a trip to St. Louis.

Clerk: East St. Louis?

Homer: Is there any other St. Louis?

Gambling Is Fun

I followed up my glorious 3-0 week with another solid effort, going 2-1. At this rate, I’m going to be a professional gambler in about a month and a half.

Because it’s that time of year, let’s go with some World Junior hockey bets. The US is a 2 goal underdog against Canada, and the over/under is 4 goals. Clearly I’m taking the US to cover, and the over. Rounding out my bet, I’m taking Switzerland minus the goal against Slovakia. Here’s hoping for a meaningless empty netter.

Overall Record: 12-16-2

A Post You Might Have Missed

My archives are sexier than a black bra/garter belt lingerie set. By the way, if any of my lady readers have any spare sexy underwear they’d like to send my way, you know how to find me.

Anyhoo, you’ve probably heard of an investment philosophy called Dogs of the Dow. Basically, an investor finds the top 5 yielding stocks in the Dow 30, and invests in them every year. I explored whether you should do a similar thing with stocks trading on the TSX. Of course you should. You should do everything I say.

The More You Know

COULD YOU PEOPLE DONATE TO WIKIPEDIA SO I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP LOOKING AT THOSE CREEPY FACES.

The 1966 Soviet submarine global circumnavigation was announced to be the first submerged around-the-world voyage by a group of Soviet nuclear-powered submarines. The voyage was an early example of blue-water operations by the Soviet Navy’s nuclear-powered submarine fleet, and it paved the way for future operations during the latter half of the Cold War. The voyage took place nearly six years after the first complete submerged circumnavigation of the world undertaken by the U.S. Navy’s nuclear-powered submarine Triton in 1960. Technically speaking, this Soviet submerged around-the-world voyage was not a true “circumnavigation” since the submarine group went from the Soviet Northern Fleet in the area of the Kola Peninsula to the Soviet Pacific Fleet base inKamchatka and consequently did not go completely around the world as did the USS Triton.

Those damn commies couldn’t do anything right.

Pick A Stock. Any Stock.

Sorry, but you’re not getting one this week. Oh, don’t cry little one.

The reason is because on Monday you’re getting 4. Plus, the best 4 picks from approximately 15 other bloggers. That’s right kids, it’s a stock picking contest. You’re going to want to come check that out. Some of the picks are bananas!

Babe Loosely Related To Finance

Some of you have been complaining that the babe loosely related to finance isn’t related enough to finance. It’s almost like I’m just picking a hot chick at random for us all to ogle. Well, duh. Of course that’s what I’m doing. I don’t see any of you suggesting hot chicks for this category. Seriously, please do. I’m running out of ideas here.

This is Gina Bianchini, the co-founder and CEO of Ning. Oh, and she’s a Stanford MBA and was an analyst for Goldman Sachs. Is that financial enough for all you naysayers?

Time For Links

My internet girlfriend Young and Thrifty gives us some tips on how to rent out your basement. She only got around to posting it a whole year after I did. So thanks for the good, albeit late post Y&T.

Fabulously Broke explores why women are burning out by the age of 30. She linked to me, which pretty much proves she wants me, but I’m playing hard to get. It’s a good post. Really.

I asked if Canada is in a real estate bubble over at Canadian Finance Blog. Have you subscribed to CFB yet so you get to read me every Thursday? What are you waiting for, 2012?

Speaking of other blogs I write on, I’ve accepted a couple new staff writing positions for 2012. Go follow me on the Twitter, so you’ll be the first to read the crap that isn’t good enough to go here my finest writing.

Sandy from Yes I Am Cheap wrote a piece for Yakezie about why you can’t make a living blogging. Many disagreed in the comments. Go check it out before I mock you for not going to check it out.

The sexier half of Boomer and Echo wrote about the risks of joint accounts. You’ll just have to click through to see which half of the duo I think is sexier.

Holy Potato has a massive piece on whether you should sell your house and rent. The answer is… Like I’m going to tell you. Go read it for yourself, slacker.

This week’s obligatory Control Your Cash link. It’s about books, or something.

Go check out the artwork by the college kids who are renting a house from Darwin’s Money. Delightfully hilarious, if not very good.

And finally, in what has to be my favorite story ever, some guy hired a hooker and it turned out to be his daughter. Not sure if it’s true or not, but hilarious.

Carnivals

Do imaginary carnivals count?

Have a good week everyone.

 

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  9 Responses to “Saturday Morning Dump: I Will Stay Up Until 12:02 Tonight”

  1. Here’s one for you next week: a surgeon having a conversation with a colon.  Yeah… weird.

  2.  Former CEO of Ning. http://postcards.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2010/03/15/gina-bianchinis-surprise-exit-from-ning/

    I dunno, Nelson… it’s like you don’t do any research on these babes besides the visual. You need a research assistant! Perhaps a library science student who shares an interest in attractive women and also reads your blog. ;)

  3. Happy New Year Nelson! 
    Thanks for the link :-)
    B

  4. LOL  I actually “LOL’d” when you said “PLEASE DONATE TO WIKIPEDIA SO I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP LOOKING AT THOSE CREEPY FACES”

    HAHAh… My thoughts exactly! Why are those faces so creepy!??!?!  It’s also very disturbingly hard to draw my eyes away from their haunting eyes.

    Thanks for the mention, and yes, I finally got to writing that post.  GIMME a break, It took a good year to get tenants lol.

  5. Nelson, there is definitely something you can do to warn oncoming cars that a cop is in the vicinity: flash your brights several times in rapid succession!  It’s the universal signal of “SPEED TRAP ALERT.”  Just don’t be like me and do it to a ghost car.  They get upset.

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