Considering we’re all curious creatures, we like to compare ourselves to others, especially when it comes to our finances. We want to know how others are doing, and most importantly, whether we’re kicking other people’s asses. Well, unfortunately for everyone, this isn’t quite possible. Nobody has their net worth flashing above their head, like I saw in some commercial years ago.
So I came up with my own financial literacy quiz. This quiz is designed to make sure you have the knowledge it takes to really put your finances in high gear. After you’re done, you’ll know the basics of investing, budgeting, savings, and all sorts of other things. Have I set expectations too high for this quiz? You’ll just have to be the judge.
What type of budget do you currently use?
A) I track my spending down to the penny, using one of the many electronic tools to do so
B) I don’t bother, instead opting to pay myself first and then saving the rest
C) I regularly hit up small children for their lunch money, using that to make ends meet
D) Credit cards don’t charge interest, right? I just use those.
What percentage of your income are you currently saving for retirement?
A) None percent
B) In between zero and one percent
C) Whatever I find in the couch cushions
D) Screw retirement. I’m sure the strip club will totally hire an 85 year old bouncer.
What percentage of your income do you spend on housing?
A) 0%. Living under a bridge is cozy, frugal and fun. Just ignore the heroin needles.
B) 25%. That means I’m frugal, but not a total bummer at parties.
C) 35%. I’m decidedly average in every way. Just call me Joe Mediocre.
D) 50%. But I’m totally impressing chicks with my awesome digs.
On a scale of 1-10, how frugal are you?
A) 2. Screw frugality. Only losers try to save money.
B) 5. I try to save money on big things, but I’m not anal about the whole exercise.
C) 8. My friends have been known to call that show Extreme Cheapskates on my behalf.
D) 10. I’m a little sexually attracted to Trent Hamm.
How would you describe your asset allocation?
A) What the eff are you talking about?
B) Are you making fun of my ass?
C) Is this quiz over yet?
D) Well, I’d like to increase my bond position a little, because bonds have done so well lately, but I’m not sure whether to buy domestic or international equities, and then there’s rebalancing costs… What? No, YOU’RE the loser.
How do you choose an investment for your retirement portfolio?
A) If my mailman talks about it, I know it’s going up, up, up baby!
B) I just do what the hot chick at my bank tells me. Only $100k more and I get to see her boobs.
C) I’ll tell you what I don’t do, and that’s research. That’s for chumps.
D) JIM CRAMER IS GOD.
Do you currently have an updated will?
A) Sure. I wrote it on the back of this napkin.
B) Maybe. I can just tell someone really quick before I die.
C) I’m so poor I kind of want to die.
D) Nope. Like I’m going to give my cash to a lawyer to do anything. THEY CAN ALL GO TO HELL.
How about life insurance? Do you have enough to cover your needs?
A) I bought some junk silver. That’s my insurance policy baby.
B) Work gives me $10k, which is enough to last until my wife gets off her lazy ass and gets a job.
C) Nah. I plan on living forever.
D) I pay $1032 per month for $254.2M in coverage. Do you guys think that might be too much? Also, why does my wife keep trying to kill me?
How well stocked is your emergency fund?
A) It’s all emergency fund baby. Investing makes me wet my pants.
B) I have a jar of change near my bed. There’s a BUNCH of quarters in it.
C) Hey, it’s not my fault. Emergencies keep coming up. A sale at the mall is totally an emergency.
D) 3 months of living expenses. I’m practically asking for my job to fire me.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rank your overall finances?
A) 2. At least I’m doing better than hobos.
B) 5. It’s okay if I’m drowning under my crippling debt load, since it’s all good debt.
C) 8. I’ve been known to sleep on a pile of money.
D) 10. Bill Gates is my bitch.
How did you do? Are you on your way to wealth yet?