Oh snap kids, it’s back. It’s the 3rd anniversary of the worst tradition of all time. For those of you unfamiliar, take the chance now to go check out part 1 and part 2 of the series. Then come back real quick, because it’s gonna get all awkward and creepy in here.
Every March 10th, for the past 2 years, I’ve highlighted the best of the female part of the personal finance blog-o-net, which is totally a word. These ladies have it all going on – they’re smart, sexy, and they have blogs that are definitely worth a few minutes of your time. I figure if I keep this up for enough years, I’ll score a date with at least one of them, even if it’s only a pity date. It hasn’t worked so far, but hey, it’s only been three years. I can keep this up for decades.
This year, March 10th is on Saturday, and we wouldn’t want this post to interfere with the Saturday Morning Dump, now would we? So, I’m publishing it a day early. Is this literally the worst segue into the weekend ever? DON’T ANSWER THAT.
It’s time for the ladies to shine. Like the previous 2 incarnations of this list, these ladies are in no particular order. I AM AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OGLER. You know I would sleep with each and every one of these ladies. Preferably all at once.
Whoops, that last sentence just slipped out. Let’s do this.
1. She Bloggs
First up we have Jen, who called her blog She Bloggs, helping guys like me quickly figure out her gender. I’m not sure what the extra g stands for. I’m going with “Gee, I wish Financial Uproar would feature me in a creepy post talking about how I’m hot even though we’ve never met.” WELL JEN, IT’S YOUR LUCKY DAY.
Seriously you guys, this woman has paid off $34,000 worth of debt in less than a year. You know how? She’s a headhunter, and is obviously good at it. I’m pretty sure she could even find me a job, which is impressive considering my lack of skills and inability to wear pants.
She also has a boyfriend. Am I gonna let that stop me? You all know the answer to that.
Next up we have the sexier half of Control Your Cash, Betty Kincaid. Oh Betty. Where to begin? First off, Betty is a cougar, and cougars are officially awesome. Rawr and whatnot. Plus, she has red hair, which is super sexy, considering my well documented redhead fetish.
Betty is in real estate in the real world, and she knows her stuff. If any of you are going to write any real estate posts, I’d recommend begging Betty to give you her input on them. They’ll automatically be 145% better. Just read anything she’s written on the subject.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’d like Betty to be my sugar mama. That sound you hear? That’s Greg coming to kick my ass.
3. Broke TO
Batting in the 3 hole is Melissa Wilson from Broke TO, who is definitely my favorite words with friends opponent, even though she keeps kicking my ass. Even though she writes all about frugality and do-it-yourself projects (subjects that aren’t admittedly my favorite) I still find her blog is one of the first I’ll check out in my reader. She’s funny, her writing is entertaining, and she could totally cook me dinner. My heart is going ba-boom.
Melissa is a freelance journalist, which is pretty much my dream job at this point. (Edit: She has a real job now. Way to ruin my post Melissa) She’s great at saving money and keeping her spending under control, which might even be sexier than a nice set of boobs. (I said might fellas, relax) And she’s single! If I lived in Toronto, I’d totally let her reject me. I’d even look past the fact she’s a little obsessed with her cat. Next!
Next up is Paula Pant, who is definitely the sexiest Nepalese-American I’ve ever had the pleasure of ogling over the interwebs. And I’m not just saying that because she wrote me a guest post once, or she’s the only Nepalese-American I’ve ogled. At least I think. I don’t exactly check out the nationalities of all the women I check out.
The only thing that surpasses Paula’s loveliness is her intelligence. Along with her very lucky boyfriend (damn him) they’re beginning to build a real estate empire that will probably one day rival Donald Trump’s, without the bad hair. Oh, and she’s also visited like 30 different countries, quitting her job to travel for a couple of years. Admit it, Paula is living your fantasy life. The only thing missing from my fantasy life is her. And about 4 other chicks. And chocolate sundaes.
Rounding out the top 5 is a blog which I think should really get more attention, called Kathryn’s Conversations, even though it’s ran by some chick named Sally.
No, it’s ran by Kathryn. She works in the finance industry, so she knows what she’s talking about, yet does a good job dumbing down the concepts so a moron like you can understand them. She’s also single, (yes!) older than me, (a cougar, yessss!) a hot blond, (yesssssssssssss!!) and clearly has a couple of bucks to her name. I’m going to need a cold shower pretty soon.
Sixth on the list is Marissa from Thirty Six Months. For whatever reason, I always type out Thirty Sex Months whenever I type out the name of her blog. NICE PLANNING MARISSA.
It’s seems like she’s everywhere these days, I swear she’s had a guest post appear on every single PF blog over the past few months. Plus, she once admitted her bra size to me on Twitter, information I quite appreciated having. She’s working hard to erase her student loans in the next 3 years, hence the name of the blog. I wouldn’t bet against her.
Upon further inspection of her archives, she has a boyfriend. DAMMIT ALL TO HELL.
And finally, we have the winner for the oddest named personal finance blog, Vanessa from Vanessa’s Money. Vanessa clearly heard I was into girls with those thick rimmed glasses, so she got some just to please me. Why won’t more of you ladies do things specifically to please me?
Anyway, she’s on about her 144th year of schooling (author’s estimate) and she she’s got a positive net worth. Oh, and she works two jobs. Hell, I barely work one. She’s a living, breathing example of how anybody can put themselves in a good financial position.
One negative though – she lives in Quebec, where they’re not too nice to native English speakers like Vanessa. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, I’m so there. And to do other things on.
Unfortunately ladies, not all of you could make the cut. But hey, that’s what next year is for, right? You know you want to be accosted by some creepy dude over the internet. Just admit it and it’ll be easier for everyone. See you all next year, unless some jealous boyfriend comes and beats me up first.