Sunday Morning Dump: Every Dating Profile Ever

If you spend any amount of time here, it’s probably pretty obvious that I’m looking for a girlfriend. The 87 sex jokes per post probably make that pretty clear.

These days, if you’re looking to date, pretty much the first place to go is an online dating site. I’ve been spending some time on one this morning, browsing the profiles. And geez, is there some sort of online dating profile formula that I missed out on? Here’s what every single woman says on there:

Uh, hey, I don’t really like talking about myself, but here goes. I can’t believe I’m on a dating website, haha. I like to travel, spend time outdoors, go out but also spend time in like watching movies and cuddling on the couch.

I’m looking for something real, so players need not apply. I want a guy who won’t leave in the morning. My family and friends are important to me, as is (insert whatever pet). If they don’t like you, I don’t think it’s going to work! My ideal guy is good looking, nice, funny, charming, has a decent job, loves animals and knows how to treat a lady.

My life is pretty awesome. I have an awesome job/life/family and I’m just looking for that special someone. For a first date, we could go for coffee or out for a drink. Something that lets us talk. You’re the guy, you decide!

Send me a message if you want to know anything more.

When every profile sounds exactly the same, it becomes the same game we all played at the bar when we turned 18. (or 21, depending on where you live)  Whoever is most attractive will get hit on the most. When hitting on a girl is as easy as sending a quick message, it becomes an arduous task for them to sort through all the crap they get. If you don’t stand out in some way, good luck.  If you’re only average looking, or below, good luck. Online dating has become a meat market.

So yeah, it’s kind of dumb. Still, I joined. Is there a better alternative?

Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too

I’m watching Yes Man as I type this post. Jim Carrey sings this song to a guy about to jump off the ledge of a building.

Wouldn’t it be fun if, just once, the guy actually jumped off the building? It’s just a movie, he’s not really going to die. I would laugh, but that’s because I’m a horrible person.

Simpsons Quote

Homer: (In the tune of Chumbawamba) I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink. And when I need to pee, I use the kitchen sink.

Gambling Is Fun

I haven’t even checked how last week’s picks went. Hold on.

1-2, huh? Well, that wasn’t great. Anyway, what to bet on this week? Going back to the Washington well, I’m going to take them over the Maple Leafs this afternoon. I’m going to take the Sacramento Kings over the Atlanta Hawks, mostly because eastern teams tend to do really bad when they visit the west coast. And finally, let’s go with the Royals over the A’s in Spring Training.

Overall record: 26-32-2

A Post You Might Have Missed

Not liking the crap I write these days? That makes two of us. So go check out my archives. They’re pretty good, once you filter out all the junk. (Note: it’s mostly junk)

Anyhoo, ever wondered which 5 stocks I’d short, assuming I had the balls to do it? Even if you haven’t, go check out that post. Daddy needs some pageviews.

The More You Know

Admit it, you want to get the privilege of editing Wikipedia articles just so you can put ridiculous things in them. I don’t blame you. RANDOM TIME.

Coventry Village is a commercial business district in Cleveland Heights, Ohio, situated on Coventry Road between Mayfield Road (U.S. Route 322) and Euclid Heights Boulevard. Coventry is associated with Northeast Ohio’s artistic, musical, bohemianand hippie communities and is the center of Cleveland’s creative class, inviting comparisons to the Haight-Ashbury district in San Francisco and Greenwich Village in New York City, although on a smaller scale.

Now that’s what I was talking about. That entry has clearly been altered. Like Cleveland has a creative class.

Dirty Word In Words With Friends

I played ‘teat’. That’s kind of dirty. Props to JT McGee for playing ‘hoax’ for like 1000 points.

If you want to play me, my username is nelsmi. It’ll be more fun than meeting Batman.

Babe Loosely Related To Finance

This is Veronica Verakova. She is paid to look attractive. She is therefore a good person.

Why couldn’t she have done that photo shoot on a nude beach?

Time For Links

Let’s start things off with Don’t Quit Your Day Job, who wondered something I’ve thought about more than once. Who gambles more: people who make a decent income, or people who don’t make a whole lot? The answer may surprise you.

My University Money wonders why online degrees don’t get more love. This is a legitimate question. If you learn from a laptop and a bunch of videos, why does that make it less valuable than an actual classroom?

Oh, Darwin’s Money. I’m a fan of his bluntness. He ran into an article where somebody suggested that buying Apple stock would have been better than buying a house. Darwin gives it the ass kicking it deserves.

Congrats to Mike from The Financial Blogger for buying Fabulously Broke. Pretty soon, Mike is going to own the whole internet.

Control Your Cash read PT Barnum’s book. There are some good lessons to be learned from it. Aside: PT looks a lot like Bill Murray. Seriously, go look.

Melissa Wilson bought herself a new car, and naturally named it. She does a decent job of analyzing whether a new or used car was best, and inspired a future post from me. So, well done, hot personal finance chick.

Stuff I Wrote

Only one this week. Over at Canadian Finance Blog, I looked at whether safety deposit boxes are really necessary.

Have a good week everyone.

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