Now, don’t be alarmed by the title of this post. Nelly loves him some Twitter, and I’m not about to quit anytime soon. My feed has devolved from delivering actual financial content to a bunch of inappropriate jokes… kinda like this blog. Hey, you’re the sucker who still reads this thing. It’s like a train wreck or that slutty trashed girl at the bar – you don’t want to look, but you just can’t take your eyes off the carnage. Also, one of those things you want to sleep with.

Even after that paragraph, I’m going to pimp my twitter account. A full 21% of the tweets are funny. And no, that’s not exaggerated like I’ve been known to do while describing the size of my penis. (BIGGER THAN YOUR HEAD!)

Some people though, actually post content on their Twitter. Some use it exclusively as a tool to mention posts by other bloggers about every 36 minutes, which gets annoying after about the 4th time you check your Twitter feed. This is an obvious attempt to get other bloggers to notice you. It’s the Twitter equivalent of two drunk girls making out because they know guys like it. There’s a fine line between posting interesting links and just being annoying.

For the most part though, Twitter is just a way to waste time. I’m not totally against wasting time, I pretty much pissed away a whole weekend playing video games and watching baseball. All work and no play will make you a miserable person, and that’s not going to get anyone’s panties off. I fully support your right to waste time, no matter what you like doing. Like ogling pictures of chocolate cookies? Knock yourself out. Just keep your hands where I can see them.

Recently, I stumbled upon a website while surfing around the interwebs. It’s funny how that happened. This site was about the usage of Twitter, where this graph told me what I’ve always suspected.


Notice anything? The 5 busiest hours of Twitter are between 11am and 3pm EST. The majority of Twitter users (and North Americans in general) tend to work jobs that keep them at the office between 9am and 5pm. Is it a coincidence that Twitter is the most active during the work day? Of course not, it just confirms what we already knew. People are goofing off on Twitter instead of working.

Even though you all read the best personal finance blog in the history of ever (TM pending due to laziness) you’re probably not all superstars at work. Don’t worry though, you totally are. It’s everyone else I’m talking about. Anyway, as I was saying, everyone but you may not be exactly rocking it at work. Hey, that’s not such a bad thing, many jobs are set up where initiative just isn’t rewarded.

For many office jobs, (especially union jobs) seniority has everything to do with who gets the next promotion, and work quality does not. Or, you might be stuck in a rut, just putting in the motions because you’re comfortable. Hell, you might have already mentally checked out, just waiting for your boss to fire your ass so you can collect that sweet, sweet unemployment check.

Do you see how this gets back to Twitter? If you’re wasting time on Twitter, you’re not exactly being productive.

For most people reading this blog, getting a promotion and a raise is by far the best thing you could ever do to help your finances. As long as you don’t give into lifestyle inflation, that raise can go straight to paying off debt or investing for the future, depending on what stage of the personal finance journey you’re on. You have to cut a lot of little things out of your life to make the equivalent of a $5000 raise worth of cuts. That’s a lot of generic brand Kraft Dinner and homemade coffee.

Just about every white collar worker with a pulse can figure this out. Yeah, office politics weigh into these decisions, but it’s usually only slackers and assholes that make that excuse. Generally, if you work harder, you’ll get promoted. We all know this, yet we all piss away all sorts of time during the day. Twitter is only one culprit, there are a million more. How many of you are reading this while you’re supposed to be working?

I’ve solved this problem, albeit unintentionally. I have a job where I only get paid to be productive. I only get paid for the chips I sell. When I’m sitting on my ass updating Twitter, or ogling that cute cashier at some store, I’m not getting paid a nickel. It’s why my real life friends can attest to my annoyance when they call during the day. (Yes, I have real life friends. Shocking, I know.) For every minute I’m slacking off, that’s one extra minute I have to work. The longer I have to work, the less my hourly wage ends up being.

Without starting your own business, there really isn’t much you can do to put yourself in the same situation I have. So what should you do? I have an idea. It’s shocking, but it just might work.

You could work harder.

I’ve worked at enough different places I can attest to how easy it is to get ahead if you’re just willing to put in the effort. Most people are interested in exchanging just enough effort in exchange for a decent salary and a 2.5% raise each year. Companies are willing to oblige because if they pay you $50,000 per year, it’s practically guaranteed you’re worth much more than $50,000 per year. If you weren’t, you’d be down the road.

Making more money is the best way to help your financial situation. It takes effort though. Screw a sideline business, spend some time being really good at your main business. It’ll pay dividends at some point. But, you should still follow me on Twitter. I’ll cry if you don’t.


Tell everyone, yo!