Today, most of my readers are celebrating Canada’s birthday, probably by watching fireworks and stuffing their face with too much crap. It’s pretty much the pinnacle of existence. Well, you can add another reason to be celebrating today, because it’s NELSON’S BIRTHDAY BITCHES. Today I turn the oldest I can possibly be and not be 30. God, I feel old. You should all be impressed I’m actually blogging today, since I usually try to take my birthday off from doing any actual work. And then I realized cracking inappropriate jokes about Canada Day is pretty much the exact opposite of working.
You know what the best part of Canada Day is? Sure, the pancake breakfasts are awesome, (especially because they’re my favorite price, free) as is the parade, at least in my town. Your town maybe doesn’t have one because it sucks ass. Anyway, the best part of Canada Day is the reluctant patriotism Canadians show.
Americans love America. You see flags and patriotic bumper stickers and other junk ALL THE TIME down there. Americans love their country, and they’re proud to show it. Meanwhile, in Canada, we like being Canadian, we’re just not very vocal about it. There are basically only 3 times where a Canadian will make it known they are patriotic:
1. International hockey tournaments
2. Canada Day
3. By sewing a Canadian flag on their backpack when travelling abroad
That’s it. Other than that, us Canadians are pretty quiet about liking Canada. Just like you’d think polite Canadians would be.
Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too
Last night, at one of the 2.1 million birthday celebrations people had for me this week, I met a girl who works for EMI Canada. I asked her if she pirated music during down times at work.
If I wouldn’t have picked a Canadian artist this week, I would have been kicked out of Canada forever. And that would have been bad. I like the poutine. (Note: I do not actually like the poutine.)
Simpsons Quote
Road sign: Welcome to Winnipeg. We were born here, what’s your excuse?
Gambling Is Fun
I had another 2-1 week last week, meaning gambling really is fun. At least until I crap the bed and go 1-2 this week.
I’m a little disappointed I couldn’t find lines on which NHL free agent would end up where, because that would be a good Canadian thing to wager on, especially on Canada Day. Instead, I’m going back to the soccer well, taking Spain to beat those dirty, greasy Italians. I’m also going with my Toronto Blue Jays, minus the 1.5 runs against the Angels of Los Angeles/Anaheim/Southern California. All of the American/Puerto Rican players on the Jays will obviously be all fired up for some other country’s independence day. And finally, to round out the most Canadian betting day ever, I’m going with the Montreal Alouettes (plus 2.5 points) over the Calgary Stampeders in Canadian Football League action.
The CFL is the punchline to all sorts of football jokes. All of those jokes are 100% accurate.
Overall record: 43-56-3
A Post You Might Have Missed
So you’re new around here, and you haven’t gotten a chance to check out all my old posts. That’s okay, spend some time browsing and whatnot. However, one of the posts is infected with the Trojanhorsepornlovers virus, which turns your laptop into a hardcore sex addict. Which post is it? You’ll just have to guess. It’s like a lottery of crap.
Have you lamented the lack of interest paid out by so-called high interest saving accounts? You probably have, because you’re a cheap bastard. Here’s why it doesn’t matter. And no, that’s not the virus post. Nice try though.
The More You Know
It’s so easy and consequence free to just take my content from Wikipedia. I’m surprised my entire blog hasn’t turned into me just copying and pasting crap from there. NOW HIT ME.
The Philadelphia Tigers were a Negro League baseball team that played briefly in the 1928 Eastern Colored League before the circuit disbanded in early June. The Tigers, organized by Smittie Lucas, featured a few well-known east coast players, such as Bill Yancey, George Johnson, and McKinley Downs, but no real stars.
After the ECL fell apart, the Tigers struggled on as a marginal independent team into July before calling it quits.
The East Coast Colored League? THAT’S RAYCESS!
Dirty Work In Words With Friends
There was a troubling lack of dirty words this week. Step up your game, you perverts. I’m going to make up a dirty-sounding word, since I wouldn’t want all you to go without. Breasticle.
If you want to play me, my user is Nelsmi. I assume all the kids have moved on to better games.
Babe Loosely Related To Finance
Pamela Anderson shares a July 1st birthday with Nelly, and she’s also Canadian. Too bad she’s crazy.
I would almost give up eating animals for that. Almost.
Time For Links
The top spot is more coveted than Katy Perry’s impressive boobs, mostly because most of you are too lazy to read the rest of the links. This week, I’m giving it to Paula from Afford Anything, who busts the myth that the rich don’t care about money. Uh, no. The whole reason they got rich is because they care about money.
My new favorite blog is Timeless Finance, which is surprising because it isn’t written by a chick I’d like to sleep with. Joe entertains us with a good rant about the entitlement of Gen Y. Go for the rant, stay for the shot at Ontario teachers.
Bad Money Advice presents some well thought out analysis of the whole European situation. But I thought he only gave bad money advice. What the hell?
My homie JT (it’s funny because we’re the two whitest guys ever) did a guest post over at Boomer and Echo (or, as I’ve dubbed them, the MILF and who cares) all about the pitfalls of passive investing. I expected the passive investors to burn him at the stake, but the reaction was pretty muted. Still, it’s a good post. Go read it, assuming you don’t forget how to read in the meantime.
Barel Karsan still holds his RIM stock, even though he’s not happy with management. That sound you hear? That’s my weeping after the stock lost ~25% last week.
I’m sure you heard about travel website Orbitz displaying pricier rooms for people who viewed their site on Apple products. Len Penzo pokes some holes in that story. Also, you’re going to want to check out Len’s blog next week, since I’m doing a guest post there. For some reason, Len invited me. I’m thinking pity.
Token Control Your Cash making fun of Trent Hamm link. No time for witty commentary on it, it’s free breakfast time.
Carnivals
NO TIME!
Have a good week everyone.
1) Happy birthday
2) Thanks for the mention
3) Teachers can be major lolcows if you use the correct conversation starter. e.g. “Don’t you think you’re overpaid for reading books to toddlers?”
The top spot! I DO covet that more than … well … Happy belated Canada Day, anyway.
[...] Nelson, certainly not a Sir, of FinancialUproar mentioned TF for the GenY rant, on his own birthday post, no less. Subscribe to his Twitter account and I guarantee you will lol. Unless you’re easily offended. Then you’re a lolcow (just like teachers become lolcows when you gently imply they’re overpaid). [...]
Happy belated birthday (although, to my credit, I *did* wish you a happy birthday on twitter ON your actual birthday). Also, I’ve used that Simpsons quote about 50 times since I’ve been here and no one’s caught on. Boo Winnipeg.