Sunday Morning Dump: Suze Orman Edition

So there I am, fresh after watching like 3 hours of Kyle Bass videos on the interwebs, (more on that tomorrow) and it’s almost time for bed, but not quite. So I’m cruising the channels for something to watch, and I come upon everyone’s favorite money talking sassy lesbian, Suze Orman. Suze does tend to annoy me, with the whole acting like a gay man shtick and calling everyone boyfriend or girlfriend, but I gave it a chance.

It was the special student loan edition, which I quickly assumed would consist entirely of people who went to school for BS degrees and then were whining because they couldn’t find a job. There was plenty of that (some guy paid $45k per year in tuition to become a friggin pilot) but the first situation was what really got me all excited. There was a guy who started off with $85k in student loans, and in 5 years had only gotten the balance to $80k. After the prerequisite whining about how tough it is to pay off loans, Suze gave him an action plan – WHICH INCLUDED TAKING HIS $50k IN CASH AND USING IT TO PAY OFF A PORTION OF HIS LOANS.

Oh man, student loans are so bad. They’re choking off my will to live and they regularly track down cute Koala Bears to throw tomatoes at. I hate them so much that I’m going to call Suze Orman for help. Oh, I guess I’ll pay them mostly off with the cash I have JUST SITTING AROUND. What kind of moron needed Suze’s advice for that?

Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too

I spent some time listening to Evanescence, trying to give them a chance. They’re one of those bands that I think should be better than what they really are. Upon finishing the Youtube playlist, I’ve discovered that they still suck.

This song is pretty good. Disregard everything else the band has ever done.

Simpsons Quote

Milhouse: Trust me Bart, it’s better to walk in on both your parents than on just one of them.

Gambling Is Fun

Gambling wasn’t fun last week as I went 0-3 once again. If anything, this series should do a good job showing you why you shouldn’t bet on sports.

I’m going with the Tigers over the Orioles, since Justin Verlander is pitching for the Tigers, and I hear he’s pretty good. He’s also rumored to be dating Kate Upton, which makes him maybe the luckiest guy on the planet. I’m also going to take the Mets over the Braves, since the Braves are sending Ben Sheets to the mound, and he hasn’t pitched in 2 years. Lastly, I’m going with the under in the Giants/Astros game, even though the number is only 6.5 runs. Both those teams couldn’t score in a brothel.

Overall record: 44-61-3

A Post You Might Have Missed

Am I running out of funny jokes to describe my archives? Hell, I ran out of funny jokes 38 weeks ago and you’re all still here. Who’s the sucker now?

Ever had an experience with Primerica or World Financial Group? Many people think  both companies are nothing but a scam, while others have had great success. Go check out my story about my experience with WFG.

The More You Know

I kind of want to print out a bunch of random pages from Wikipedia and sleep with them. Don’t judge me.

D. Napier & Son Limited was a British engine and pre-Great War (the “brass era”) automobile manufacturer and one of the most importantaircraft engine manufacturers in the early to mid-20th century. Their post-First World War Lion was the most powerful engine in the world for some time in the 1920s and into the 1930s, and their Sabre produced 3500 hp (2,600 kW) in its later versions.

2 things: 1. They show a picture of a 60 horsepower car in the article. I’m pretty sure we have more powerful TVs these days. 2. More companies should name themselves Whatever and Son. That would be fun.

Dirty Word In Words With Friends

I think the best word of the week was nude. You people ought to be ashamed at your non-dirty minds.

If you want to play, my user is Nelsmi. And if you play, DIRTY IT UP, BITCH.

Babe Loosely Related To Finance

More Olympic babes? You know you like it.

This is Nastia Liukin, and she didn’t actually make the team after winning 5 medals last time in Beijing, but I’m hoping you won’t mind. She could make the Olympic team in my pants.

Time For Links

I’m going to give the much coveted top spot this week to Kevin from Thousandaire, who thinks that the U.S. government will end up defaulting on their debt within the next few years. I’m not sure I agree, but an interesting post nonetheless. That sound you hear? That’s everyone storming Kevin’s place with torches.

Bad Money Advice points out a ridiculously easy way to steal someone’s identity without the trouble of actually becoming them. Confused? Then click the link stupid.

I totally meant to link to this last week, but you all know not to have high expectations at this point. Anyway, check out Boomer and Echo’s post where they give tips to an old man who only has $1065 to live on each month.

Timeless Finance has a bigger crush on Control Your Cash than I have on the ever lovely Taylor Swift. The fun of that post is figuring out at what point it becomes creepy.

Speaking of the cash controlling folks, they point out that using a company’s product shouldn’t be a prerequisite of investing in their stock.

Give Me Back My Five Bucks has to be the longest blog name ever. She’s lucky I manage to type it out without getting bored halfway through. Anyway, Krystal pens an open letter to high school grads, which is full of good advice. Go for the letter, stay for the culturally diverse graduation picture from Krystal’s grad a decade ago.

I think PK from Don’t Quit Your Day Job (2nd longest blog title ever) feels a little inadequate because his wife got a bigger magazine than he did. Or something like that. Nah, the post has to do with how companies market differently to different demographics.

I’m bored. Let’s wrap this thing up.

Carnivals

I SAID I WAS BORED.

Have a good week everyone.

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