Do you ever turn on any one of the business channels not for the content, but for ogling purposes? Have you ever panted while watching a market update read by your favorite hottie? Do you get a little hard when Becky Quick mentions “supply side economics?” If you answered yes to any of these questions you’re probably a little messed up. I suggest some professional counselling.
In the meantime, we have some exciting developments here at whatever screwy blog it is I write for. For the next several Fridays, we’re going to have an NCAA type tournament to determine the final answer to the most pressing of questions – just who is the hottest chick on business TV? Screw curing cancer or helping out starving kids, we are truly doing the Lord’s work.
Here’s how it works. Each week, I’ll present 4 different women from business television across North America. It’s your job to vote in the comments just which two you’d want to share some sexy times with. And ladies, don’t be afraid to vote too. You can base your vote on things that aren’t important – like knowledge, on-air presence and sophistication. Or, you know, how nice her cans are. Either or.
We’ll narrow the field from 16 quarter finalists to 8 semi finalists, where we’ll just skip a step and narrow the field down again to 2 finalists, probably because I’ll start to get bored at that point. The winner will win a date with me, a prize she will most likely run away screaming from. I will console myself with potato chips. Let’s get started.
1. Michelle Caruso-Cabrera
OH GOOD START.
Michelle has been on CNBC for a good amount of time now, leaving her post on Power Lunch last year. She ditched the lunchtime gig to become head of international assignments, meaning there is significantly less ogling of Michelle at the CNBC offices. (But probably 83% more work being done.)
Fellas, Michelle is almost infamously far right, and I’m pretty sure she’d wear the pants in any relationship. I haven’t seen a wedding ring, but I’m a little scared she’d hurt me if I asked her out, so I’ll let one of you do it and report back to me. I’ll just continue to ogle her from the safety of behind my TV screen.
Michelle has wrote a book, a book that would probably be 158% more tolerable if it was filled with pictures of her and a series of bikinis. She’s also been named one of America’s 100 most influential hispanics, so to recap she’s smart, beautiful AND influential. Follow her on Twitter here.
2. Liz Claman
I’ve just taken a look at the remaining challengers and it’s going to be a tough choice for you guys. This round is stacked. And I’m not talking about their chests, either.
Next up is Liz Claman, who makes me want to angrily call up the CRTC so we can get Fox Business up in Canada on a daily basis. She’s on from 2-4PM Eastern each weekday, which automatically makes those days 94% better, according to my unscientific analysis.
Liz is on the wrong side of 40 (in fact, she’s close to 50) and she might be the only redheaded Jew in the history of the world, but don’t let those little facts get you down. Liz is a cougar. Scratch that. Liz is such a cougar she makes normal cougars look like piles of puke. Unfortunately for all us admirers out there, Liz seems happily married with a couple of kids. But we can still have fantasies about her, right? Follow Liz on Twitter here.
3. Catherine Murray
CANADIAN CONTENT WARNING.
Next up is Catherine Murray, a relative newcomer over at BNN after years of actually working in the industry. So take that, everyone who thought she was only hired because she’s a total babe. She’s on a show called Market Sense, joined by two former hedge fund guys who only serve to take camera time away from lovely Catherine.
In her spare time, according to her BNN bio, she enjoys figure skating, downhill skiing and being ogled by Nelson over the internet. And while I think of it, I’d like to thank the producers at BNN for dressing Catherine in some pretty sexy ensembles. I couldn’t find any evidence of a Mr. Murray on the interwebs, so I’m thinking I should go to Toronto and ask her to marry me. Nothing bad can come from this plan.
She is not on Twitter. If she was, I’d probably hit on her relentlessly.
4. Melissa Lee
Next up is Melissa Lee, who is on here just so you all don’t accuse me of being RAYCESS.
No, Melissa deserves to be on here by her own merit, not because of some sort of weird blog version of affirmative action. She’s the current host of Fast Money, where stacks of money literally whiz across the screen at random times, none of which ever take out this guy, which is a damn shame.
Nice ponytail, jackass.
Anyway, back to Melissa. She looks like she’s all of about 5’1” tall and weighs in at maybe 100 pounds. Those of us who are into petite women quite enjoy this. Remember that documentary CNBC did about the business of porn? Melissa hosted that, which made me watch just in case she decided halfway through to quit CNBC and join the folks at Vivid Entertainment. If you want more Melissa, watch her on Squawk on the Street every weekday from 9AM to noon. She is also avoiding the Twitter.
Voting time. [Edit: Use the poll. Not the comments.]
Okay folks, the comment section is all yours. Remember to vote for your two top picks, who will advance to the semi final in approximately 82 weeks. The consolation prize is a night with Nelson reading Too Big To Fail together.