Being the chip guy is probably the best job out there, next to a bikini inspector or the inventor of a hilarious refrigerator alarm, except for a few things. Sometimes customers decide they know chips better than I do and that they need to do the order. Other customers will make unreasonable requests like asking me to drive to their store on the Saturday of every long weekend. I usually shut these people down faster than my advances on sexy redheads.
These problems are mere annoyances compared to the worst part of my job of all – people asking for free chips. This comes in two forms, either from cheap people who just don’t want to pay or from people putting on some sort of non-profit event and expecting a donation. It’s really easy to tell cheap people to hit the road, usually I do it with some sort of combination of “if nobody pays for the chips I’d go broke” and “there’s all sorts of different different kinds in the store” and “fuck off.” Donations are a little tougher to say no to, but I usually have to since getting them approved by management is annoying (I think on purpose).
On Friday though, a lady made it really easy to tell her to hit the road. A small sampling of our lengthy conversation:
Her: Hey chip guy! You should donate some chips to our festival.
Me: What festival?
Her: Don’t you know? It’s (small town’s) centennial this weekend! We’re having a festival! We need chips!
Me: Donations have to be approved by management. It’s not my call.
Her: Call them! Right now! We need chips.
(Insert 5 minutes of arguing, her telling me that I “need” to try harder and me not caring.)
Her: I’m never buying (certain brand) of chips ever again.
Me: People say that so often it’s lost all meaning.
Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too
A Canadian band from circa 1978? That sound you hear is Greg from Control Your Cash panting like an excited dog. I bet he’s seen them live at least once.
Trooper actually came to my small town a few years ago and practically sold out our arena. They must either really love to tour or are broke.
Krusty: Kids, we need to talk for a minute about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs. But the Hanta virus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to ‘antidote’ P.O. box…
Gambling Is Fun
Betting against Houston is going pretty well for me so far. Come on Houston, suck your way back to a .500 record for Nelly!
Milwaukee is sending out their ace pitcher against Houston? BET THE FARM KIDS. I’m also taking the under (9 runs) in the Blue Jays/Yankees game. Have you seen the lineup the Jays are trotting out lately? Steven Hawking scores more often. And finally, I’m going with Rory McIlory to win the PGA championship. He’ll celebrate by giving it to Caroline Wozniacki. YOU WOULD TOO.
Overall Record: 50-67-3
A Post You Might Have Missed
As I go through the posts from August 2011, it sure doesn’t seem like it’s been a year since I wrote them. Have I spent the last year in some sort of drunken haze?
You’re rich, now what? was a post I wrote about the motivation behind getting wealthy. It has some good Taylor Swift jokes at least.
The More You Know
For this week anyway, I’m switching up this category from random Wikipedia entry to random thing I’m curious about. You know when you get that random ringing in your ear that takes a minute to go away? Why does that happen?
Tinnitus ( /tɪˈnaɪtəs/ or /ˈtɪnɪtəs/; from the Latin word tinnītus meaning “ringing”) is the perception of sound within the human ear in the absence of corresponding external sound. Tinnitus is not a disease, but a condition that can result from a wide range of underlying causes: neurological damage (multiple sclerosis), ear infections, foreign objects in the ear, nasal allergies that prevent (or induce) fluid drain, or wax build-up. Withdrawal from abenzodiazepine addiction may cause tinnitus as well. In-ear headphones, whose sound enters directly into the ear canal without any opportunity to be deflected or absorbed elsewhere, are a common cause of tinnitus when volume is set beyond moderate levels.
Tinnitus may be an accompaniment of sensorineural hearing loss or congenital hearing loss, or it may be observed as a side effect of certain medications. However, the most common cause is noise-induced hearing loss.
As tinnitus is usually a subjective phenomenon, it is difficult to measure using objective tests.
HOLY CRAP! Am I going to die?
Upon further reading, most people in the industrial world experience it at least a little bit and it’s caused because loud noise has ACTUALLY DAMAGED THEIR HEARING. I’m bummed out now.
Dirty Word In Words With Friends
There were so many dirty words played this week. Well done everyone. Here’s a sampling:
If you want to join my merry gang of disgusting perverts, my user is nelsmi. It will probably all end in tears though.
Babe Loosely Related To Finance
Her name is Morgan Smith Goodwin, but you probably know her better as “that chick from the Wendy’s ads.”
She wants to put her mouth around a Baconator. And by Baconator, I mean my penis.
Time For Links
I’m giving top spot this week to a guy who always deserves it, among many other great and awesome things like that Wendy’s girl. I wrote a guest post over at Thousandaire about Japan’s impending doom. It’s pretty outstanding.
You guys all know I hate camping. Yet for some reason it’s becoming even more popular, as if that’s even possible. The Economist has a good piece about the state of the RV industry. (hint: it’s good)
Timeless Finance writes about responsibility fatigue. Doing the right thing all the time is kind of boring. But the erection I get from looking at my investment statements or my mortgage balance more than makes up for it. I also just discovered the Timeless Finance Youtube channel. Excuse me for a second…
I used to think Control Your Cash were the biggest jerks of the PF blog-o-net. Now I’m convinced it’s Dave from 6400 Personal Finance. He speaks the truth about why fitness and finance go hand in hand in perhaps the most blunt way possible. Nelson likey.
I totally know Teacher Man’s (from My University Money) real name. Does anyone else want to know it too? Okay, you twisted my arm. It’s John Smith. Go tell John how much you like his latest, all about why people look down their noses at skilled labor.
One of my internet girlfriends, Kathyrn from Kathryn’s Conversations keeps rejecting my awkward advances in the worst way possible – by ignoring them. Damn her and whatnot. I just can’t stay mad though, with the hilarious picture/caption from her post about whether women will have to pay for the birth control pill when Obamacare becomes official.
Nope, but I did submit for next week. They’ll probably reject me for being NOT FUNNY.
Have a good week everyone.
These are better than the crap you’re currently reading