Sunday Morning Dump: I Have A Hooker In This Hotel Room

It’s a lie. I don’t actually have a hooker in my room. Like I’d be willing to shell out hooker money.

In case you aren’t following my Twitter feed, (and if you’re not, go ahead and throw yourself off a bridge) I’ve been on holidays for the past week. My first stop took me to dirty, dirty New York City, where I’m 87% sure that I caught some sort of super virus from the subway. It was neat to see New York and all, but seriously, it’s a little old and grungy. Except Yankee Stadium. It was pretty nice.

And now I’m in Toronto, for no particular reason. This is more exotic than that time I wrote the weekly dump from a crappy Super 8 in Las Vegas. I do such a good job of talking up the places I visit. I should be a travel blogger.

I will say this though – the women in Toronto are like 20x hotter than the ones in NYC. New York is either filled with sassy black chicks or white hipster girls, neither of which are Nelly’s cup of tea. At least the pizza was good.

Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too

Dammit, why do I have to do this EVERY WEEK? Are you guys too lazy to pick your own song for once?

Hey, it’s Billy Talent and it’s new. Don’t like it? I DON’T CARE. I’m sorry, I really do care.

Simpsons Quote

Groundskeeper Willie: Do ye have any grease?

Lunchlady Doris: Yes. Yes we do.

Willie: (tears off clothes) THEN GREASE ME UP, WOMAN.

Doris: Okey-doke.

Gambling Is Fun

It’s been a little while, I better go back and check how my last picks went.

HOUSTON ACTUALLY LOST. Those bastards. Oh, and so did Kansas City, meaning I only went 1-2. Damn and whatnot.

This week I’m going against Houston again, to lose against Pittsburgh, who have also been brutal lately. I’m also taking New England plus the 3 points against Baltimore, and Green Bay minus the 3.5 in Seattle for the Monday Night game. Seattle sucks at every sport. Just ask their basketball team.

Overall record: 58-74-3

A Post You Might Have Missed

The last week notwithstanding, I used to write on this thing. Really. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true. You can even ask my Mom. She hasn’t read the all the archives because I bore her, but she totally skimmed like 3 posts one afternoon. She still remains my biggest fan.

Remember, those of you who try things that they don’t do very well, that failure is always an option. Unless you’re me with the ladies, then it’s the only option.

Nelson’s So Funny

Because nothing says funny better than pointing out your jokes for everyone to see, here’s the best of what my Twitter feed offered last week.

I’ll be right over. My pants will not. RT @youngandthrifty: BF away for two weeks for work.Party time!!!

— Nelson Smith (@financialuproar) September 16, 2012

If you’re a lady who wants to be hit on relentlessly, I suggest following my Twitter. And if you’re a dude who wants to be hit on relentlessly, I suggest being a Kennedy. Those guys seem to do pretty well.

The More You Know

I think we can all agree that I ran out of clever jokes to introduce this category about 3 weeks into it. We all know I wasn’t about to let that stop me. NO BANKRUPT WIKIPEDIA WHEEL OF FORTUNE.

The M/S Batory was a large (14,287 BRT) ocean liner of the Polish merchant fleet, named after Stefan Batory, the famous sixteenth-Century king of Poland.

She was built at the Cantieri Riuniti dell’ Adriatico Monfalcone Shipyard in Trieste, Italy, under an arrangement where part of her payment was made in shipments of coal from Poland. She was among the most notable tourist attractions of the Polish seaside and among the best-known Polish ships of the time. She was launched on 8 July 1935. The ship was powered by 2 sets of Burmeister and Wain diesel engines driving 2 screws giving a speed of 18 knots. She began regular service in May 1936 on the Gdynia—New York run, and by 1939 she had carried over 30,000 passengers.

I love how a boat made in Poland makes it across the Atlantic like 200 times, yet the Titanic doesn’t make it once. Because if there’s anything Poland is known for, it’s making sturdy ships.

Dirty Word In Words With Friends

I’m sure somebody played something, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to look. I’ll just share a dirty phrase another blogger shared with me the other day – the Cincinnati Bowtie. Google that.

If you want to play me, my user is ‘nelsmi’. I will probably beat you if you don’t know how to spell or speak English.

Babe Loosely Related To Finance

You know, I’m not entirely sure Keira Knightley is attractive. I sometimes think that she needs to gain about 15 pounds. But here we are, so let’s find some picture and ogle it.

It’s not really skimpy and the resolution sucks. What do you expect from me, effort?

Time For Links

There are two weeks worth of links here, and I’m admittedly behind on my blog reading, so just… you don’t care, do you? LET’S LINK IT UP, YO.

I’m going to start it off with Timeless Finance this week, specifically Adina’s post about the differences between personal responsibility and stupidity. I’m not doing it justice with this little two sentence blurb. It’s a terrific post and it’s worth a few minutes of your time.

Next up is the babe who makes all sorts of sense, uh, MakinSense Babe. Why is MakinSense one word, anyway? Only I’m allowed to disregard the dictionary for my own entertainment. Anyhoo, Kathryn writes about people and their inability to change their ways, even though they know these ways are bad. The money quote:

The kid across the street peed on me once when I was babysitting her, so that’s that. You pee on me, you’re out. Even if we’re in the shower. Write that down.

No kinky pee games. Got it.

Weakanomics actually takes the time to look at Mitt Romney’s blind trust and not only actually explain what it is, but also points out why the perception of a blind trust is much better than the reality.

Next is a blog I totally have never linked to before, Control Your Cash. They point out that you’ll never beat the index if all you hold are index funds. Just try active investing. It won’t bite, I promise.

Five Cent Nickel has, by far, the best idea I’ve ever read for a part time gig. You can turn in tax cheats. It sure beats folding jeans at the Gap.

Over at Don’t Quit Your Day Job, Cameron is worthless, but he’s still buying a house. What the what? You’ll just have to click through to find out the deets, assuming the kids still say deets.

And finally, Mr. Money Mustache points out that it isn’t that hard to rise up to the top 5% since the bottom 95% are pretty stupid. I can’t say I disagree.

Carnivals

(Sings carnival song to distract you)

Have a good week everyone.

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