Back in January, 11 of your favorite personal finance blogs (and me!) graced the world with our top stock picks, in what’s the greatest stock picking contest ever. We each picked 4 different stocks, all with the goal of winning the ultimate prize, a $25 Amazon gift card and a threesome with two porn stars. Unfortunately for the winners, the two porn stars are not attractive. Hey, I run a personal finance blog. Like I’m going to spring for hot ones.

And the loser? Well, they end up with this.

If such a trophy actually existed, I would put it in my bathroom and hoist it high in the air whenever I successfully pooped. I wouldn’t even wash my hands first.

The Dartboard Picks

Remember how I picked 4 stocks at random, declaring they’d do well? If you don’t, I’d recommend slowly scrutinizing my archives because you’ve obviously missed a whole bunch of good stuff. Take the rest of the day off work. Your boss will totally understand.

The dartboard picks:

International Forest Products +37.2%
Homeaway Inc. +2.0%
Shaw Communications Preferred Series A +2.1%

Not bad so far, right? Oh wait, there were 4 picks. Here’s the last one.

White Bear Resources -94.7%

Ouch. At least it was only a dartboard pick. My real picks must have been much better than the dartboard’s overall -13.3%, right? Well, let’s find out.

The Results

Can JT maintain his lead from the last quarter? Or will he be overtaken by Mochi and Macarons, who decided to forego actual analysis and just pick things she likes to consume? Have you all wet your pants in anticipation yet? Let’s do this thang.

1. Sustainable Personal Finance (+67.8%)

Thanks to Medical Marijuana rising some 220%, Sustainable PF has retaken the lead they had after the first quarter. No word on whether they also enjoy the products from this particular company, but obviously some people like to partake. If you’re ethically opposed to investing in weed, might I suggest an investment in Twinkies? Yep, it’s a play on the munchies.

2. Thousandaire (+43.2%)

Next up is the host of the Plutus Awards, Kevin from Thousandaire. Thanks to the strength of beleaguered wireless carrier Sprint and it’s 140%(ish) gain, Kevin has vaulted to a solid second spot behind the stoners. His final pick was Pizza Inn, which is a Texas based Pizza delivery/buffet chain. I bet at least 4 stoned people have eaten there. IT ALL COMES TOGETHER.

3. Money Mamba (+29.2%)

JT is still doing well, sitting in a comfortable third place as he rides the success of Adams Golf, which got taken over back in the first quarter to lock in a 68% gain. The rest of his picks haven’t been as impressive, but at least they’re not as bad as Research in Motion.

4. Mochi and Macrons (Formerly Fabulously Broke) (+24.2%)

Thanks to the strength of Apple (I should probably just copy that phrase to the clipboard for further use) M&M is doing well, which is awesome because she readily admits she doesn’t know a thing about investing. She does know a lot about shopping and drinking Starbucks though, and really took the whole invest in what you know thing to heart. It seems to be working pretty well.

5. Young and Thrifty (+22.0%)

When I first figured out these results, my internet girlfriend was doing much better, buoyed by a massively good quarter from Coastal Contacts. Except, upon further review, the company did a share consolidation, which means it appeared the shares doubled when they actually didn’t. NICE TRY, SUCKERS. I’m not dismissing the theory that Y&T seduced the CEO to do this just to increase her chances.

6. My University Money (+18.1%)

Teacher Man decided to pick Apple for this competition, probably after going to some university and seeing all the iWhatever products on campus. Then he tried to pick up a college girl by offering to pay for her meal and by pointing out he has a job. This girl was quite impressed, but his girlfriend was not. Bummer.

7. Holy Potato (+16.5%)

God’s favorite spud had a terrific three months after he was sitting in last place at the end of the second quarter. Thanks to Superior Plus’ terrific quarter, he’s moving up the standings nicely. He even shrugged off the crapitude of RIM.

8. Don’t Quit Your Day Job (+16.3%)

I’m convinced that DQYDJ picked the most obscure companies they could think of in hopes that I’d look up the wrong ticker symbol, getting them a giant gain via error. WELL, NICE TRY BUCKOS. Seriously, take a look at three of their picks.

Vascular Solutions Inc.
Inteliquent
PDL Biopharma

I’m pretty sure these companies don’t actually exist.

9. Nelson’s Buddy Dale (+12.9%)

He has Apple. It helped, a lot, considering his other 3 picks are down. Still, he’s beating me, a fact he will undoubtedly point out, probably after pushing me down the slide and stealing my lunch money. I will cry because I am really a very large little boy.

10. Canadian Personal Finance (+7.8%)

Steve picked two telecom companies with his picks (BCE and Telus) which probably means he has two cell phones because he leads some sort of double life. But instead of having a cool double life he just shows up and fixes people’s computers. Or maybe he anonymously gives people 2 for 1 coupons on Chips Ahoy.

11. Boomer and Echo (+6.4%)

Echo’s picks aren’t terrible, they’re not good, they’re just kind of… there? He’s done pretty well with Magna, the others have been just okay. I think his Mommy is still proud of him, unless he forgets her birthday. That was weak, I’m sorry.

12. Control Your Cash (+5.7%)

Ha, CYC sucks, mostly due to Netflix, which has gone from $69 (Q1) to $122 (Q2) and then all the way back to $54, where it stands today. That thing’s more up and down than a methhead on a roller coaster. I’m pretty sure I made fun of them for taking Netflix, so at least I can brag about that. I sure can’t brag about my picks, that’s for sure.

13. Financial Uproar (-1.5%)

Aww dammit. Stupid RIM.

Tell everyone, yo!