Here in Canada, Wayne Gretzky is a GOD. Since he was the best hockey player to ever lace up a pair of skates, he’s achieved iconic status wherever he goes, at least on this side of the border. We all know as a player he took advantage of that, if you know what I’m saying. (Wink, wink) Because of Wayne’s iconic status, people listen no matter what the topic. Recently, in the Toronto Star, Wayne gave some personal finance advice. How good was it? Let’s find out.

My grandfather always taught me: If you have $2,000 in the bank, you buy an $1,800 car. You don’t buy a $5,000 car. You don’t borrow or leverage. So I never borrowed. I’ve never leveraged myself. Never tried to turn $1 into $10. Entrepreneurs that know what they’re doing — or think they know what they’re doing — that’s their thing. They love to leverage. They love to borrow. They want to build and keep moving on. You see guys that are very wealthy and they lose it and it comes back. But that’s their life. That’s what they enjoy. I’ve never been somebody that went out and borrowed money and tried to double it or triple it. The biggest thing I learned from him is never leverage myself.

Okay, that’s some solid advice about avoiding debt. Not bad so far. What else, oh great one?

I like to keep my money in the bank. I’m not a big risk taker. I’m not a guy who buys office buildings. I found my best real estate investments have been because I have loved what I was buying. Anything I’ve invested in, as far as property or a house, was because as a family we loved it and we wanted to build there.

Well, one for two ain’t bad I guess.

It’s easy to just put your money in the bank when you’re Wayne Gretzky and you’re one of the highest paid athletes in the world. He doesn’t need to grow his investments, all he needs to do is protect capital. Since you or I don’t make millions a year, we have to take some risk and try to grow our investments.

I’m bored with Wayne Gretzky’s actual finance advice. That dude is more bland than dinner at the old folks’ home. Instead I’m going to make up some financial advice Wayne Gretzky should be giving. But first, here’s a obligatory bikini pic of his daughter Paulina.

Don't worry, she's legal. I checked.

That spices things up a bit, huh?

Anyway, back to Wayne’s finance advice. Wayne doesn’t want to spoil his boring old man persona by actually giving interesting advice, so I’m going to do it for him. Here are some tips, Wayne Gretzky style.

DON’T EVER INVEST IN THE PHOENIX COYOTES. He cannot stress this enough.

Short a few bucks? Just go on a 4 city speaking tour in Canada to raise a couple hundred thou. Don’t bother preparing any remarks, just stand around, smile, and sign autographs.

Another tip if you’re short of cash is to have your wife do a Playboy spread. That’s like 10 grand an hour!

When Rick Tocchet asks you to join his illegal gambling ring, limit your bets to $5,000 at a time. There’s no need to go nuts.

Just go golfing with Michael Jordan or Charles Barkley. Those guys gamble away so much money that you could totally sneak a few hunskies and they’d never notice.

Did you see the pic of Paulina above? You know it’s only a matter of time until there’s a sex tape. That’ll bring in a few bucks.

Endorsing Ford trucks, McDonalds’ meals and having your own fantasy hockey camp are more ways to make ends meet if you’re a little short this month.

And finally, Wayne hasn’t done this since the early 1990s, but you can totally make extra money if you get your mullet cut off and made into a wig.

Tell everyone, yo!