Sunday Morning Dump: 500th Post

It has been brought to my attention by the little elves that run the back end of this site, that this link dump marks my 500th blog post. Holy crap and whatnot. I cannot believe that I have the sticktoitness (it’s a word, screw you) to actually write 500 different blog posts. Say I averaged 800 words per post. That’s 400,000 words, or 10 novels. Or, if you prefer, the same number of words said by a group of women drinking wine on a Friday night. Oh relax ladies, I still love your boobs all of you.

Most blogs would “celebrate” this type of milestone by giving crap away, a thinly veiled attempt to attract new readers. You’re not gonna get that here. Hell, if anything, you guys should be giving me stuff. I’ve wrote 500 blog posts, and not one of my readers has ever sent me her underwear in the mail. THAT’S A GODDAMN TRAVESTY, THAT’S WHAT IT IS. I demand stuff from my readers. Or at least accolades.

Will I make it to 1000 posts? Who knows. I’m pretty impressed I made it past 6. I’m like a race car that should have overheated a few laps ago. You know I’m going to crap out, all while releasing all sorts of hot, smelly gas. Try and act surprised when it finally happens.

Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too

NEW TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM AT MIDNIGHT (ET) TONIGHT! Oh no big deal, I’m just getting a boner in anticipation.

Let’s talk about Taylor for a moment. Apparently, she cheated on her 17 year old Kennedy boyfriend with his cousin, who just happens to be a Schwarzenegger. While I’m pretty sure these accusations aren’t true, I’m beginning to wonder if we’re seeing the beginning of the unraveling of Taylor’s goody two shoes image. Nobody is as sweet and innocent as she’s portrayed to be. Personally, I’m holding out for the sex tape. You know there’s gonna be a sex tape.

Simpsons Quote

Homer: Wow. Sprawl-Mart has everything, even videos of talking Christian vegetables.

Vegetable Moses: [zooms in on TV] We will not build your food pyramid. Let my pickles go!

Gambling Is Fun

There’s only one direction to go after an 0-3 week, and that’s sideways. Or up. Or the other way sideways.

Anyway, I went 2-1 last week. That’s not so bad. As for this week, I’m talking the Cardinals to beat the Giants at home, and advance to the World Series. I hate the Cardinals. They aren’t really that good, they just get hot at the right time. They wouldn’t even be in the NCLS if it wasn’t for Washington’s useless bullpen.

For some reason, I’m betting on the other Cardinals this week too, as I’m taking Arizona to cover (+7 points) against the Vikings. And finally, I’m going with the Colts minus 2 points against the Browns. You know the Browns will find a way to lose.

Overall record: 63-81-3

A Post You Might Have Missed

There are 499 other posts in my archives, just waiting for your eager eyes. It’s like the crappiest library ever.

At least one of you will be happy to know I’m working on a random post button for the navigation bar at the top of the site. But, until I figure all the crap out, you’ll have to just click on whatever post I think you should read this week. Man! It’s like Hitler is running this blog, amirite?

Do you like financial documentaries? Of course you do. And you’d probably like them even better if you were all snuggled up on the couch with me, naked, as we watched them. (Dudes excluded, obviously.) So go check out my list of 14 good ones. I’ll take off my pants and meet you on the couch.

Nelson’s So Funny

I find I gain about 15 Twitter followers a week, combined with 10 people who unfollow. Whatevs. All those unfollow people suck and I hope they get an aggressive case of diarrhea.

Thanks to @taylorswift13‘s presence on the cover, I can now check masturbate to Glamour magazine off the bucket list.

— Nelson Smith (@financialuproar) October 18, 2012

Not one retweet for that gold? You people don’t deserve me.

The More You Know

Do you guys think I could pay some dumbass on Fiverr $5 to do a Wikipedia entry for me? That would be the best $5 spent since I convinced my classmate to eat a beetle back in grade 8. Oh relax, he didn’t even get sick.

James Edward Boyd (September 9, 1834 – April 30, 1906) was an Irish-born American businessman in pioneer Omaha, Nebraska, and a politician. The founder of Boyd’s Packing House, he served as the Mayor of Omaha from 1881 to 1883 and from 1885 to 1887, and as the seventh Governor of the state of Nebraska in 1891 and from 1892 – 1893.

Boyd was born in County Tyrone, Ireland on September 9, 1834.^[1] He moved to Belmont County, Ohio, with his family in 1844.^[2] His education was in the common schools. As he grew older, he worked as a carpenter and a grocery store clerk. He married Anna Henry on August 22, 1858.

Did James have a bitchin’ moustache? YOU KNOW IT.

Dirty Word In Words With Friends

Let’s go with boned. As in, if you play Words with Nelson, you’re sure to get boned.

My user is ‘nelsmi’. It’s all the awkwardness of this blog, condensed into a fun word game.

Babe Loosely Related To Finance

The other night I was thinking. It seems like all sorts of people have no problem having their sexy pics show up on the internet. How much longer do I have to search before I find somebody I know? It’s bound to happen, right?

This is Shanae Grimes, from my dreams the new 90210. Yeah, she’d help make that show more tolerable.

Time For Links

Can you just not get enough of my witty link dump isms? Then head on over to Len Penzo dot com, where I went ahead and wrote his weekly roundup too. OMG, there’s just so much Nelson.

I’ve linked to two Budgets Are Sexy pieces in the last 6 months. And neither of them were written by the guy who writes the site. I’m sure you can read the message between the lines. Anyway, go check out the guest post about why most PF blogs are B.S.

I’m a sucker for posts that actually give new ideas for sideline income. Krystal at Give Me Back My Toonie, Loonie, 4 Quarters, 5 Dimes, 8 Nickels and 10 Pennies has a good idea – have tourists pay you to take them around your city. You could even take the horny travelers to the red light district. Or your house, depending on their attractiveness/disease possibilities.

Jeffery Steele (best name ever, assuming it isn’t a pseudonym) is nailing it over at Five Cent Nickel lately. His latest busts the myth that older workers retiring later is bad for younger workers. It turns out the opposite is true. Go read to find out why.

JT writes about Canada’s housing bubble. FINALLY, AMERICANS HAVE NOTICED US! Click through to see the fun arguments about why Canada is different from some home builder.

Did you know, back in 2005 during the NHL’s previous lockout, Bain Capital offered to buy out the whole league? It’s actually a pretty interesting story. Sorry Obama supporters, there’s no Romney trash for you to dig up.

Carnivals

I submitted to 3, got accepted in 1. Yep, that’s about right.

Have a good week everyone.

Be Sociable, Share!

•