There I was, yesterday, in the bustling metropolis of Calgary. I had gone in and watched the football game the night before with a friend (aside: CFL football is THE WORST when you’re freezing your ass off. But the tickets were free.) I have only one pair of jeans, and I decided my life would be infinitely better if I had a second pair. So I went to a mall full of outlet stores (read: crap that wouldn’t sell in the regular store) to find something that didn’t look like vomit the perfect pair.
And sweet Jesus, even the outlet stores were expensive. $65 for jeans that were regular store rejects? I DON’T THINK SO, TOMMY HILFIGER. The Gap was trying to charge $50, and I’m pretty sure the obviously gay salesguy wanted to corner me in the change room. I even went into the GUESS? store, promptly vomited at the prices, and left. Sorry about that, whoever had to clean up the mess.
Then I stumbled into the Levi’s store. They sure are working hard at being cool again. An attractive girl immediately came over to help me, and wasn’t even fazed when I told her I wanted a pair of cheap-ass jeans. THIS IS HOW YOU GET NELLY’S BUSINESS. 10 minutes later I was out with a nice pair of $25 jeans. At least the girl who was looking for a commission thought they were nice. Her opinion is totally based on fact.
Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too
I bought the new Taylor Swift CD this week. And I quite enjoy it. Apologies in advances for the two Taylor songs in a row, but, SCREW YOU I MAKE THE RULES AROUND HERE.
This is my favorite song of Red. It encourages you to live your dreams and whatnot. So, starting now, I’m going to go after all my dreams. Taylor, you’re first. Somebody’s now got a stalker.
Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else – and it hasn’t – it’s that girls should stick to girl’s sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
Gambling Is Fun
1-1-1 last week. That’s about as exciting as a nice glass of warm milk.
Obviously I’m taking the San Francisco Giants to close out the World Series tonight, just to further kick Detroit while they’re down. I’m also sticking with the Indianapolis Colts, who are 3.5 point underdogs against the Tennessee Titans. From now on, I propose we refer to this particular matchup as ‘The Redneck Bowl’ or something similar. And finally, I’m going with the Falcons over the Eagles in the ‘team named after a bird of prey bowl.’
Overall record: 64-82-4
A Post You Might Have Missed
I have an eyelash in my eye. Pity me, dammit.
In lieu of something better, go back and check out where I made fun of Trent Hamm’s crap advice. I often wonder if Trent has ever discovered the many posts I have that call him stupid. These are the things I think about. Oh, and boobs. But not Trent’s boobs.
Nelson’s So Funny
Want to be offended? My Twitter feed will do the trick. Feel free to unfollow. I understand.
Look, ladies, if you want to be paid the same as men, maybe you should stop dressing up as a “sexy” anything.
THAT’S SEXIST AND CHAUVINISTIC AND OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN. (Says people who entirely miss the point)
The More You Know
Ah Wikipedia. The encyclopedia written at a 6th grade level that can be edited by any dumbass with a laptop and an agenda. This is where we get most of our information from. What a time to be alive.
A Coney Island hot dog (also coney dog or coney) is a natural-casing beef hot dog, topped with an all-meat beanless chili, and diced or chopped white onions, with one or two strips of yellow mustard. The variety is a fixture in Jackson, Flint, Detroit, and southeasternMichigan. A coney dog is not to be confused with a chili dog, a more generic chili-topped hot dog.
The “Coney Island” preparation did not originate with Coney Island, New York; the name merely refers to the origin of the hot dog itself, and also refers to the kind of restaurant that features them. The style originated in the early 20th century in Michigan, with competing claims from American and Lafayette Coney Islands in Detroit, Michigan, and Todoroff’s Original Coney Island in Jackson, Michigan.
I have so many questions, but they cannot be asked since I’m too busy stuffing these hot dogs into my mouth. Without mustard, because mustard is worse than farts.
Dirty Word In Words With Friends
Once again, I’d like to voice my outrage because they won’t accept ‘slut’ as a word. I’M GLAD YOUR STOCK WENT DOWN LIKE 90%, YOU ZYNGA BASTARDS.
If you want to play me, my user is ‘nelsmi.’ You better be quick, before they kick me off the game for disparaging remarks.
Babe Loosely Related To Finance
I recently discovered the show Community, which has only been on for 4 seasons already. I am on the cutting edge of pop culture.
Best. Community. Ever.
(Licks lips, starts panting like a dog) This is Allison Brie, who should maybe go out in the sun once and awhile. She’s awfully white.
Time For Links
What’s that? A story on the internet about making a career change that doesn’t involve working for yourself on the internet? Why, I believe that’s never happened before. Go check out Boomer and Echo’s post on why you shouldn’t be scared of change.
JT takes a look at making money off others’ failures, specifically the interesting case of the bankruptcy of Six Flags. Which reminds me, I need to write a piece about how to short the Canadian housing market. (adds to to-do list.) (realizes I don’t have a to-do list)
The folks over at Control Your Cash tell you how to minimize the damage done by getting a speeding ticket, assuming you don’t have cleavage that just happens to get exposed when the cop asks for your license.
Marissa from Thirty Sex Six Months does not care for bloggers who talk about making money online, yet don’t actually do it. But when I pull stuff out of my ass, it’s all good, right?
Somebody (I think it was Greg from Control Your Cash) once said that the number of comments a blog post gets is inverse to the quality of said post. I agree wholeheartedly, especially when it comes to something called “The Difference Between Academic Econometrics and Quantitative Finance” Don’t worry, it’s much more fun than the title suggests. Really.
And finally, PK from Don’t Quit Your Day Job asks if we have too many choices. So that’s why I’m single. Hot women are paralyzed with the abundance of choices. SCORE ONE FOR NELLY.
I vomited on the bumper cars.
Have a good week everyone.
These are better than the crap you’re currently reading