There I was in my bathroom the other morning, pooping, when my bathroom light started to flicker. (I’ve always wanted to tell a story that began with me pooping. DON’T STEAL MY THUNDER.) After taking a hit of Ecstasy and dancing for the rest of the day in my own personal disco, I decided I should probably change the bulb. That’s a pretty simple project, right?
So I put a kitchen chair underneath the light and climb up to have a look. First I try to pop the cover off, trying to get to the light bulb that way. Nope, the cover doesn’t come off. Oh good. Because that would make sense. So I pull the whole fixture out of the ceiling, unscrewing it from the hooks that hold it in place. Now that it’s out, I have to disconnect the power from the whole fixture. Total time invested so far, 15 minutes.
Once it was down, I had to reach inside it to pop open the cover. As I slid open the cover, I felt an intense satisfaction. I was finally going to get this stupid light bulb changed. The ladies would hear about my impressive handyman skills. They would invite me over to “change their light bulbs” which we all know is a euphemism for sex. EVERYTHING’S COMING UP NELSON.
There’s just one problem. It wasn’t a normal light bulb in there. It was some fancy compact florescent. And naturally, none of the stores in town had one. You win this round, bathroom light fixture. Soon victory shall be mine.
Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too
I think this might be a new low for me, posting a parody of a song that wasn’t that good in the first place.
Oh, don’t act so upset. This blog jumped the shark back in 1995.
Troy McClure: Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as Smoke Yourself Thin and Get Confident, Stupid.
Gambling Is Fun
My streak of quality came to an abrupt end 2 weeks ago, as my picks stumbled back to a 1-2 record. Sighs and woe is me and whatnot.
Because I’m a good Canadian, I have to pick who’s going to win the Grey Cup. (or the Coupe de Grey for those of you who enjoy poutine and racism against English people) Even though the Calgary Stampeders are 1.5 point favorites, I’m going with the hometown Toronto Argonauts to cover. I’m also going with the San Antonio Spurs (minus 6.5) over the hopelessly bad Toronto Raptors. And finally, I’m taking the over in the Browns/Steelers game, since it’s a measly 34 points.
Overall Record: 70-85-4
A Post You Might Have Missed
I was in Vancouver last weekend, which is why there was no link dump. You cried and cried, frantically hitting refresh, showing everyone what a pathetic person you really are. You all sicken me. WAIT, DON’T LEAVE.
Want a lesson on the merits of delaying gratification? Then go check out the story of my Dad, his crappy car, and how his sacrifices have made him richer than you.
Nelson’s So Funny
There was a lot of Black Friday talk among the PF folk in the Twittersphere this week, further cementing my theory that the majority of this space consists of sheep. So I chimed in.
Wait. So Black Friday isn’t named after black people?
— Nelson Smith (@financialuproar) November 24, 2012
Go ahead, say it. THAT’S RAYCESS.
The More You Know
I’m bored of Simple Wikipedia. Back to the regular stuff. This must be how a coffee drinker must feel after switching back to the regular stuff from decaf, even though they know their chances of a heart attack just went up 648%.
Kanuri is a dialect continuum spoken by some four million people, as of 1987, in Nigeria, Niger, Chad and Cameroon, as well as small minorities in southern Libya and by a diaspora in Sudan. It belongs to the Western Saharan subphylum of Nilo-Saharan. Kanuri is the language associated with the Kanem and Bornu empires which dominated the Lake Chad region for a thousand years.
The basic word order of Kanuri sentences is subject–object–verb. It is typologically unusual in simultaneously having postpositions and post-nominal modifiers – for example, “Bintu’s pot” would be expressed as nje Bintu-be, “pot Bintu-of”.
Hey Bintu, stop hogging all the pot. Everyone should be able to get high.
Dirty Word In Words With Friends
Just when I think we’re starting to run out of dirty words, bam! somebody plays labia. Everyone’s dirty minds continue to astound me.
If you want to play, my user is Nelsmi. If you play and then quit, then friends off forever and I hope you die in a vat of quicksand.
Babe Loosely Related To Finance
Remember Laura Prepon, who played Donna on That 70’s Show? Of course you do, she was everyone’s dream next door neighbor, plus she actually went out with the nerdy kid. It turns out she’s aged pretty well.
I normally don’t encourage redheads to change to blondes, but I’ll make an exception for Laura just this once.
Time For Links
Considering there’s two weeks of links to go through, this list isn’t really that long. If I did links on Black Friday, this thing would stretch into next week. Once again, I challenge the PF-o-sphere to step up their game.
JT McGee always brings his A game, as he offers his take on investing in what you know. As he rightfully points out, you can acquire a knowledge on an industry with research. There’s no need to limit your investing horizons on your existing knowledge. That’s good news because then my investment options woulbe be limited to breast implant companies and chips.
If you’re a Canadian with a vested interest in the housing market, you’re doing yourself a disservice by not reading Garth Turner. This week he points out how local real estate boards make sure buyers know very little information about a house’s listing history.
Next up is 101 Centavos, which might be the best finance blog you haven’t heard of. A couple of weeks ago he brought up an interesting point. Why do people who owe so much in student debt know so little about the company they owe? It’s a terrific piece about questioning your assumptions.
On November 15th, Canadian PF bloggers gave their best financial tip, it was all part of some contest. As you can imagine, most of the tips were, shall we say, elementary. Joe from Timeless Finance had the best one. You’ll just have to click through to see what it is.
I wrote a piece over at Yes, I Am Cheap. It says that maybe if you’re in debt, you don’t deserve nice things. Added bonus: 86% less penis jokes than around here.
The older half of Boomer and Echo asked a legitimate question – are kids extracurricular activities really worth it? I’m just impressed I spelled extracurricular right the first time.
And finally, from Deadspin, 13 minutes of terrible Russian drivers. In Soviet Russia, car drives you. Terribly.
Have a good week everyone.
These are better than the crap you're currently reading