Recently, one of my readers made me aware of a post from a blog called Work Save Live, where a reader wrote in and asked the author’s opinion of her budget and her financial situation. Normally this types of post bores the crap out of me, since it’s either from somebody who has disaster finances, or from someone who loves their budget so much that they want an intellectual masturbation partner.

This post though, was different. It contained so many suggestions that were, well, the opposite of right. We’re gonna have to delve right in. Take it away, Captain Wrong: (I have been informed his real name is Jason) 

I love the fact that they already had things broken down into this amount of detail. It speaks volumes that they have no consumer debt and have a decent amount already saved for emergencies.

The people in question have $9000 worth of assets and $40k worth of debt. It “speaks volumes” that they have a negative $31k net worth? This guy must be easily impressed or something.

I’ll give them credit, they’ve paid down some debt. But to fellate them to this degree after accomplishing a little is like entering your 6 year old in the Tour de France right after you take off his training wheels. (Cycling! Topical!)

Furthermore, the fact that they have a goal of traveling and are saving towards that end shows they’re organized, disciplined, and are willing to sacrifice to meet those goals.

Jeez, this guy sure does kiss reader ass, huh? 

“Not only are my readers all attractive, but their penises are GIGANTIC. Oh, and their tears cure Leprosy in starving African children.”

Okay, onto the actual crap. Cause I’ve read ahead, and there’s a lot of it.

Tithe – the fact that they believe in giving, and particularly giving to a local church, is a tremendous thing. Considering their disposable income and the flexibility they have, I’d encourage to give a little more sacrificially.

Great start, dumbass author. Maybe they should get that net worth back to zero before going nuts with the tithing? You know, take care of their own finances before worrying about other people’s. But then again, I may be biased against the tithing

Life Insurance – now that they’re married it’s a great time for them to consider getting life insurance.

Really? Even though they have no dependents?

Look at getting a 20 or 30-year term policy for $450,000 for income earner #1 and $600,000 on income earner #2.

Nope. Unnecessary expense.

While it’s possible that each of them could live off of their own incomes (if something were to happen to the other), reality is that they’ll get used to living off both incomes and they’ll be taking on debt in a few years in the form of a mortgage.

Buying life insurance now to cover for a hypothetical mortgage they might get in a few years is a terrific idea. Do you know why? Because flushing money down the toilet would take too long, and this way they can waste money more efficiently. It’s genius, really.

Why do people insist on buying life insurance when they have no dependents? Sure, there’s a tiny risk that you’ll be uninsurable in the future, but I’d worry about things more likely to happen. Like being the starting center fielder for the Chicago Cubs. Or me actually getting a girlfriend.

Term life is exceptionally cheap and I believe $75/month (total) is about right. I imagine they could do better assuming they’re healthy and neither of them smoke.

Hey, do you know what’s $75/month cheaper? NOT GETTING LIFE INSURANCE UNTIL YOU HAVE DEPENDENTS.

Based on our conversation I believe they’ll find employment, prior to the wife’s company moving, without an issue. However, it’s always nice (and wise) to have the added protection of an emergency fund in case things don’t turn out as planned.

With that in mind, I’d have a goal of saving a total of 6-months worth of living expenses and build up your emergency fund to a total of $22,000.

Hold on a second.

(Finds kitten hobo, strangles it)

22 thousand dollars sitting in an emergency fund when they owe 40 thousand dollars in student loans. Did this guy graduate from the Finance Fox school of personal finance? (Located in Wrong, Ontario) Wait, I forgot. It’s wrong for me to assume PF bloggers should know basic accounting.

The reason I suggest doing this and delaying paying extra on debt is for two reasons: (1) there is a storm brewing…they’re not sure if it will be a hurricane or just a little thunderstorm, and (2) if they secure employment shortly before (or after) the wife leaves her job, then they’ll have a LARGE stash of cash that they can pay down towards debt.

They have a whole year for the wife to find a new job. Plus, assuming she’s the lower income earner (making $2900 per month), they can probably survive on the $3800 a month the husband makes. And, he’s in no danger of losing his job. Plus there’s like a thousand bucks a month for things like tithing and saving for vacations. There’s plenty of fat they can cut if she can’t find a job.

But no, go ahead and sit on a giant pile of cash that they’ll never use. Maybe they can earn 1.1% interest on it, rather than using it to pay off student loans at 5%. (I’m just assuming the exact rate here) If they could only find a way to do that with a MILLION DOLLARS, THEY’D BE RICH!

Once they’ve determined exactly how much they need for the trip, I’d then take all of the disposable income each month ($2700 in addition to the $250 already being saved) and add it to the vacation fund. At month 7 of this plan, they’ll have $4,450 saved and at the end of month 8 they will have $7,400. I’m not sure how much it’ll cost, but $7.5k should be close to enough.

DAMMMITTTT

If I was in charge of the PF-sphere, I’d automatically shut down the blog of anyone who says it’s okay to go on an expensive vacation before paying off debt. These people could get rid of their debt in like a year if they were serious about it. Then they could spend like 3 months saving up for this holiday, and enjoy a holiday while being debt free. A year. That’s it. Are we so impatient that we can’t even wait a year to take care of business before taking a dream vacation?

3. Rock That Debt

With the emergency fund sitting at $22,000 thousand dollars (in 6 months) and the vacation fund completed, they’ve now freed up all of that money they were saving and will have a disposable income of $2,950/month.

I can’t keep going. This dude is just so stupid.

Here’s what gets me about this whole thing. All the commenters agree with him. Of course they do, because it’s all Yakezie groupthink. But still.

They all think this couple deserves some expensive exotic vacation. They’ve been out of college for all of 6 frickin months. For God’s sake, maybe it’s time to buckle down and work a little? What happened to waiting to do things? These dumbasses all think it’s okay to work a little toward paying off the debt, then taking a very expensive break, and then finishing. Shouldn’t the vacation be the reward for paying off the debt? Wouldn’t that make said vacation much sweeter? Am I the only person in the world who thinks they should accomplish something before taking a GODDAMN DREAM VACATION?

If anybody wonders why there are bruises on my forehead, it’s because I’ll be spending the next two hours banging my head against the wall.

Tell everyone, yo!