Feb 242013
 

Ladies! Good news, Nelly is single and ready to mingle. Except that’s not what I was going to talk about. I just wanted you all to know that.

About a year ago, I had a decent little business staff writing for several blogs. And I gave it up, partially because work was kicking my ass, and partially because I’m lazy, lazy, man. I like to think I was pretty good at it, when in reality the blogs I used to write for probably laughed at me and gave me cyber-noogies.

Anyhoo, I’m throwing my hat back in the ring. I am available to write on your blog. Or write dirty jokes for your Tumblr. Or writing sweet nothings to your special lady because you’re too lazy to bother. Hell, it’s all good. As long as you’re paying, I’ll write.

Go on up to the ‘Contact Me’ tab up above and send me a message if you’re looking for somebody to write. All others can go to hell. No, that’s harsh. Just continue to keep reading the dump.

Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too

This dump is kind of taking on a working theme, so let’s continue that, shall we?

When I worked at a grocery store, this was my boss’ favorite song. He made arrangements that it would be played 3 times a day, I’m sure just to torture the rest of us.

Simpsons Quote

Mr. Sparkle: I am disrespectful to dirt! Stop your loafing! Can’t you see that I am serious?! I will banish you to the Land of Wind and Ghosts!

Gambling Is Fun

I’m back to sucking, as I only went 1-2 last week. It would make me very sad if I gave a crap.

Let’s go with the Devils over the Jets, since everything about Winnipeg sucks, including their hockey team. I’m also going to take Portland Trailblazers over the Celtics, minus 2, even though Portland may be the douchiest city in America. And finally, let’s go with Steven Spielberg to take home the best director Oscar. Hopefully gambling on them will help to make the Oscar’s slightly tolerable.

Overall Record: 88-101-6

Post You Might Have Missed

Do you know what rhymes with missed? Pissed. And list, but only kind of.

You know how everyone and their dog has a massive hard-on for dividend stocks? A couple of years ago I wondered if I was missing out on the party. I actually spend a lot of time missing out on parties. It’s kinda my thing.

Nelson’s So Funny

I think I might have lost Twitter followers this week. This hurts me more than the time my Dad told me he wished I was never born.

The hair on the rest of my body is kinda blonde, but the hair inside my nose is black. That has nothing to do with the above tweet, I just wanted you all to know that.

The More You Know

Want to save $40,000 and be a hit at parties? Just don’t go to college and instead hit the ‘random article’ button on Wikipedia over and over. You’ll have no job and you’ll still live in your mother’s basement, but you’ll be filled with all sorts of interesting factoids.

Sir James Michael “Jimmy” Goldsmith (26 February 1933 – 18 July 1997) was an Anglo-French billionaire financier and tycoon.[1]Towards the end of his life, he became a magazine publisher and a politician. In 1994, he was elected to represent France as a Member of the European Parliament and he subsequently founded the short-lived eurosceptic Referendum Party in the United Kingdom. He was known for his many romantic relationships and for the various children he fathered with his wives and many girlfriends. Goldsmith was the inspiration for the character of the corporate raider Sir Larry Wildman in Oliver Stone’s Wall Street.[2] On his death, Tony Blair stated: “He was an extraordinary character and though I didn’t always agree with his political views, obviously, he was an amazing and interesting, fascinating man.” Margaret Thatcher stated: “Jimmy Goldsmith was one of the most powerful and dynamic personalities that this generation has seen. He was enormously generous, and fiercely loyal to the causes he espoused.”

I read the whole entry. I’m not sure if Jimmy was a genius or insane.

Dirty Word In Words With Friends

Boner. Somebody played boner. She even sacrificed more points so she could. That’s my kind of playing.

Remember, my user is ‘nelsmi’ if you want to play. You should, Zynga could really use the ad money.

Babe Loosely Related To Finance

Curling is still happening, and my girls from Team Ontario are only one win away from the title. This brings me all sorts of happiness.

Megan Cormier

Here is Megan Cormier, from Team NorthWest Territories. They were terrible, but I still enjoyed Megan. For obvious reasons.

Time For Links

I starred a lot of stuff this week. Let’s get right to it.

You know those crazy people who are hoarding gold and canned goods because they think hyperinflation is just around the corner? PK over at Don’t Quit Your Day Job clearly doesn’t care for those people, effectively squashing their crazy ways. And yet he still WON’T QUIT HIS DAMN DAY JOB.

You know, I have about a million internet girlfriends, openly, and they never get jealous of each other. I give myself all the credit for this, naturally. Anyway, here’s internet girlfriend number 3,291, Kathryn from Makin Sense Babe, explaining merger arbitrage using Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman.

Up next is Control Your Cash, making fun of a woman who is defintely not one of my internet girlfriends, Gail Vaz Oxlade. Gail has been on a Twitter campaign for the better part of a week, bitching about the closure of Ally Bank’s high interest savings accounts. Can someone tell her it’s dumb to care about the interest rate on your cash, since you shouldn’t have that much of it in the first place? Bunches thanks.

101 Centavos says you should stop hanging out with your loser friends, mostly because their stupid crap can get expensive. The joke’s on him though, since I don’t have any friends.

Seth Godin has some interesting thoughts on working for free. On a related topic, you all owe me $20.

And finally, Dividend Ninja bought some preferred shares. I have a weakness for prefs. They are internet girlfriend number 801.

6 links. That was hardly a lot. Meh, like I’m anything but a terrible disappointment.

Have a good week everyone. 

 

 

Tell everyone, yo!

  4 Responses to “Sunday Morning Dump: I’m Available, Yo”

  1. Big thanks from #3,291. Not bad if you have 1 million!

  2. Tape it to a biscuit?
    Baking carrot biscuits?
    No, it’s “taking care of business”. Every day. Every way. It’s all right.

    Honored to be in the same league as MSB.

  3. Sorry man, I totally forgot about the $20. I’ll get you next paycheque, ‘kay?

    (I don’t get paycheques, so this may be a while coming).

  4. So far as hanging out with losers, the problem is sometimes they can be the best friends the younger folks can have.

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