Usually I’m a big fat tease, making all of you wait until the end of the post to give away the free crap. However, it’s come to my attention that nobody likes a tease, so here we are. The winners of the H&R Block tax software are Kasandra and Paul. Congratulations you two, I’m sure this is more exciting than seeing Taylor Swift’s newly enhanced chest. AND WHAT A CHEST, AMIRITE? I’ll email you guys at some point.
One more piece of housekeeping before we get to the random crap. Finance Fox has released a response to Wednesday’s post. If you’re curious, go to his site and check it out. I have no further comments. Hey, that was all serious and stuff. I better throw some jokes in there. Uh, boogers.
Phew. That’s better.
At this time next week, I’ll be making my now annual excursion to the shining lights and plentiful hookers of Las Vegas. Ah, Las Vegas. I plan to go to the cheapest blackjack table I can find and play like a moron, because it amuses me when serious blackjack players get all pissy about it. Then I will go hang out outside the male stripper show, and hit on horny half-drunk chicks as they come out. THESE PLANS ARE FOOLPROOF. I will either get stabbed or the clap. Either way, sounds like a good vacation.
Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too
Hey, remember when people listened to the AM radio? Everclear did, back in like 1997.
13 year old Nelson really liked that song. He liked masturbation a whole lot more though.
Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.
Gambling Is Fun
Next week in Vegas, I pledge to bet actual American currency on my picks. Considering my overall record, this is the worst idea I’ve ever had.
I’m taking the over (5 goals) in the Toronto Maple Leafs/New Jersey Devils game, because the Devil made me pick that game. I’m also going with Pittsburgh over Tampa Bay, as well as Nashville covering the spread (+1.5 goals) over LA. As an aside, Sunday night is a terrible time to pick games, since a lot of Monday’s lines haven’t been released yet. I will use this as an excuse for when I go 1-2.
Overall record: 89-103-6
A Post You Might Have Missed
You might have noticed, after 4 years of blogging, I finally installed a plugin that lists some similar stuff after each post. If you need me, I’ll be launching a site about blogging. I’ll call it NelsonGivesBloggingTipsBitches.com. I better buy this URL as quickly as possible, before one of you rat bastards snatch it out from under me.
It seems like all the kids are doing their taxes, and getting excited about the refund they’ll be getting. I will not be getting a refund, because I is sad. Anyhoo, go read a post on taxes, and why you shouldn’t really care about paying them.
Nelson’s So Funny
In the interest of full disclosure, I totally ripped off this category from Timeless Finance. He totally ripped it off someone else, and so on. By this point, it’s more borrowed than a cup of sugar from the neighbours. Has anybody ever gone next door to ever borrow a cup of sugar? I’d tell my neighbours to hit the road.
Hey @vanessasmoney, how do you feel about poutine at Wendy’s. Is it (throws up in your mouth a little)?
— Nelson Smith (@financialuproar) March 3, 2013
After sending that tweet, I went to A&W to eat some poutine. It was not undelicious.
The More You Know
Sometimes, when we’re alone, I like to whisper sweet nothings into Wikipedia’s ear. You know, tell it how special it is, and that’s I’ll only love it, you know, that mushy crap the ladies eat up. And then, when it falls asleep, I stick my penis between the pages of the M edition of Encyclopedia Britannica.
First Aid Kit is a Swedish folk duo composed of sisters Johanna (b. October 31, 1990) and Klara (b. January 8, 1993) Söderberg, whose close vocal harmonies and woodsy, folk-influenced songwriting take influence from the likes of Fleet Foxes and Joanna Newsom. Hailing from Enskede, a southern suburb of Stockholm, the siblings began composing songs in 2007. Their 2008 YouTube video cover of the song “Tiger Mountain Peasant Song” by Fleet Foxes spread their name rapidly on the Internet: the sisters subsequently appeared alongside Fleet Foxes performing the song in a concert in the Netherlands.
I’m listening to their song “Emmy-Lou” right now. It’s not terrible. It’s Swedish country music.
Dirty Word In Words With Friends
She made a big deal about it, so I have to mention that Sheryl played ‘boner.’ And then afterwards I got a boner, for unrelated reasons.
My user is ‘nelsmi’ if you want to partake. If I ever get lost, please put “answers to nelsmi” on my missing poster.
Babe Loosely Related To Finance
I did a search for ‘female model’ in Flickr. Here’s one of about 1.5 billion results.
(Image removed. Sorry kids.)
Here’s how it would go down if I talked to her:
Nelson: Uh, hey.
Her: Go away.
Time For Links
Let’s start things off with the kids from Don’t Quit Your Day Job, and their companion piece on the plagiarism issue. It’s calm and well thought out, and it’s worth a read if you haven’t done so already.
Next up is Control Your Cash, who yes, I will be meeting when I go to Las Vegas next week. I will give them friendship bracelets made out of my discarded hair, which won’t be the least bit creepy. In the meantime, go check out February’s retard of the month.
The guys from My University Money wrote a book dedicated to the finances of college students, which doesn’t look terrible. If they really wanted to sell a lot of copies, they’d hook up with the beer company to include one in every flat. Boom. That’s two posts in a row where I prove my marketing skillz.
Timeless Finance has some tips on how to move on the cheap. It’s a good thing he didn’t call me. It saved the awkwardness of me making some B.S. excuse, and him knowing that excuse was B.S., and so on.
I wrote a post over at Yes, I Am Cheap, on the 7 best jobs. No, bikini inspector did not make the list, mostly because that job is imaginary.
And finally, ah screw it. I’m tired.
Have a good week everyone.