Every week, I get a package from the potato chip company that pays me to be eye candy put away potato chips. I have to go to the mailbox to get it – which sucks – because the mailbox is like half a block away, and my street is kinda icy in the winter. Plus there are cars, and I know one of my neighbours is just waiting to run me over and steal the chips. Every single one of you reading this has thought about stealing the chips. I’M ONTO YOU, BUCKOS.

Anyhoo, the letter usually contains boring chip stuff that nobody except me cares about, and even then I don’t care about much of it. I get paystubs, which I usually just glance at before firing up the ol’ paper shredder. I take out the paystub, throw out the envelope, and quickly get back to what I do best, making creepy sex jokes over the internet. As I was throwing out this specific paystub, a small piece of paper caught my eye. It was white, and not much bigger than a business card. Intrigued, I checked it out.

Written on this piece of paper was an enticing offer. If I would go and fill out an online safety report, I’d get a free $100 gift card. So I did. And it took 9 minutes of my time. For those of you keeping track at home, that’s the equivalent of $666 per hour. Go ahead, insert your own devil joke. I don’t mind.

I chose a grocery store for my gift card, so I’m eating for free for approximately 2 weeks. Was that worth 9 minutes of my time? Hell, it was easily the 9 most profitable minutes of my day. And yet I almost missed that opportunity because I was careless.

So I did a little more research, and the company offers some other perks. For instance, my benefits package covers a monthly massage, because my job is physical. I’m not sure I’m going to take advantage of this because I find other people touching me a tad bit creepy, but I bet some of you reading this would be excited for a free massage every month. Others would probably be more excited if the massage came with a happy ending.

I dug a little further into my benefits, and discovered a perk I’ll actually use. Whenever I go to the States, I always buy medical insurance. It’s ridiculously cheap, like $2 per day, so I don’t even bother to shop around. I usually would just call up my insurance broker and have him add it on for the length of time I’d be gone, and he’d just bill me later. Well now I don’t have to bother, since it’s covered.

This brings me to the bigger point. Just how many perks are we eligible for, yet never bother to collect because we’re just too lazy, or we just don’t notice?

I get it. You’re busy, I’m busy, everyone is busy. Do you know how many hours a week it takes for me to look as beautiful as I do? Answer: at least 6. And yet I still found time to do a little research and save myself a few bucks down the road.

This isn’t just about saving money on stuff either. I am constantly amazed at how many people I know who try to figure out stuff without Googling it first. If you ever need to do a home improvement project, hit up Google before you even pick up a screwdriver. I’ve learned how to fix my toilet, change a light switch, and how to swap out the most annoying light bulb in the history of ever. It’s the same thing with almost anything. If you’re having a problem, chances are someone else has had that same problem. Let their experience help you, and you can save some cash at the same time.

I talk a lot about big picture stuff around here. Just remember not to get careless about the little things. But you can still buy a coffee. The latte factor sucks.

Tell everyone, yo!