The fine folks at 7-11 are offering medium Slurpees for only 69 cents this weekend. This is a terrific deal, and I’d recommend you go and drink several. Maybe all at once. You could be like that guy who smoked like a hundred cigarettes at once, but with Slurpees. Your sugar high will be unprecedented, and you will probably end up with Diabetes. Try and act surprised when they want to cut off your toe. Your dentist will yell at you, but that’s okay, since they’re always yelling. Nothing is ever good enough for the lady that cleans your teeth.
That’s not nearly enough of a preamble, so I guess we’ll talk about something else I did this week. We could talk about my fantasy baseball team and the MONSTER trade I pulled off, but nobody likes that guy who talks about his fantasy team. It leads to jokes about my fantasy life, which mostly involves Taylor Swift, red meat, milkshakes, and half the female PF blog-o-net. Gals, if you’re going to experiment with other chicks, doing so with Taylor Swift in my fantasy world is a good place to start.
Except now I’m that guy who mentioned how he made a trade, but hasn’t told you the details. I’ve opened this can of worms, so I guess it wouldn’t hurt. I traded Jose Bautista (of MY Toronto Blue Jays) and Miguel Montero for Buster Posey and Martin Prado. I felt my team needed a change, and I think this trade will affect the overall chemistry of my team in a positive way.
In fact, I’ve already started motivating my new players. I think you’ll all agree that I’m a pretty good motivator. I should be giving speeches and whatnot.
@busterposey Hit lots of home runs please.
— Nelson Smith (@financialuproar) May 26, 2013
Song I Like And Therefore You Should Too
I’ve probably featured this song before, but screw it. It’s The Boss and you should listen to it over and over, especially if you live in New Jersey.
I love how New Jersey is probably best known as the place Bruce Springsteen just couldn’t wait to get out of. I’ve spent all of two hours there, so I’m kind of an expert, and I agree wholeheartedly. Jersey is a dump.
Homer: My Best Of Ray Stevens, featuring ‘The Streak’ album! So it was the dog that buried all our stuff.
Marge: Yes … the dog.
Gambling Is Fun
I’m continuing my gambling dominance, riding another 2-1 week to a 16-5 record over the past 7 weeks. I demand more ass kissing in the comments.
You know what’s coming first. Oakland, go ahead and beat Houston. You know you want too. I’m also going with Miami, minus 2, against Indiana. You know it’s only a matter of time before Indiana folds like a chair sat on by one of the larger members of their state’s population. And finally, I’m taking the Kings to cover the plus 1.5 goals against the San Jose Sharks.
Overall record: 110-114-9
A Post You Might Have Missed
Nelson’s archives: they’re better than sex during overtime of game 7. Although you probably wouldn’t want to be having sex while watching game 7. You’d probably want to focus all your attention on the game.
Hey, so you think Canada is in a massive real estate bubble like I do? Then doesn’t that mean you should sell your house and go rent something? Well, maybe not. Or maybe. What do I care?
Nelson’s So Funny
Two funny tweets in one post? You’re more spoiled than that time I hired a guy to give my girlfriend oral sex for two hours. She was very grateful and then left forever.
Geez, the wind is blowing harder than the average Yakezie blog.
— Nelson Smith (@financialuproar) May 23, 2013
I’d like to take this moment to thank all my new followers by listing them out individually… Just kidding, people who do that are the WORST.
The More You Know
Do you know what product kinda rhymes with Wiki? The Sticky. HIT ME, YO.
Dougga or Thugga (Berber: Dugga, Tugga, Arabic: دقة) is an ancient Roman city in northern Tunisia, included in a 65 hectare archaeological site.
UNESCO qualified Dougga as a World Heritage Site in 1997, believing that it represents “the best-preserved Roman small town in North Africa”. The site, which lies in the middle of the countryside, has been protected from the encroachment of modern urbanisation, in contrast, for example, to Carthage, which has been pillaged and rebuilt on numerous occasions.
Thugga’s size, its well-preserved monuments and its rich Numidian-Berber, Punic, ancient Roman and Byzantine history make it exceptional. Amongst the most famous monuments at the site are a Punic-Libyan mausoleum, the capitol, the theatre, and the temples of Saturn and of Juno Caelestis.
That place looks pretty neat. ROAD TRIP TO TUNISIA TIME.
Dirty Word In Words With Friends
Let’s go with ‘thong’ and ‘chub’. Chub being a slang word for… never mind. Google it you dirty pigs.
My opponents are dropping faster than ducks when the Duck Dynasty guys go hunting. So play me, dammit. And don’t be one of those jerks who won’t play because they think I’ll beat them. Believe me, I suck plenty.
Babe Loosely Related To Finance
(Edit: OMG I FORGOT THE BABE.)
Time For Links
First up is Paula from Afford Anything, my Nepalese-American girlfriend, assuming she ever gets around to returning my calls. Damn, girl, you’re hard to get ahold of. It’s like you’re avoiding me or something. Anyway, she’s got a piece on how “works for me” are perhaps the three most dangerous words in personal finance blogging. Or, as someone handsome once said:
“‘Works for me’ has become the personal finance excuse to use when somebody uses numbers to dispute whatever idea you have. Don’t bother to actually respond to legitimate criticisms that people have. Nothing else matters, because you’ve figured out something that works for you.”
Next is Mochi from Save. Spend. Splurge., which is replacing Control Your Cash as the weekly staple around here. This week she points out that you should be paying down debts, even though interest rates are low. This is terrific advice for the portion of my readership that still has consumer debt (i.e. student loans).
Over at Timeless Finance, Adina shares her thoughts on retirement. I’m just waiting for that one financially independent girl to come along who has always had a retirement dream of cooking and cleaning for a guy who writes bad sex jokes on the internet. I give it two, three months tops before this girl appears in my life.
Nice story from JT over at Money Mamba, who tells the tale of his first ever investment, at the ripe old age of 11. He remembers it pretty well, mostly because now he’s only 14.
And that’s it. Have a good week everyone.