OOH, FANCY SYMBOLIN’.

Ladies, let me tell you about the romantic things I’ve done in the past. The list is as lengthy as it is impressive, mostly because I am an ABSOLUTE STUD when it comes to the romance. For instance, I once delivered a girl cookies at work, and only ate half of them during her break with her. I also gave a girl her birthday present 2 days early so it would be a surprise. The birthday present was me in a thong, dancing to this song. Best birthday ever, at least according to me. And it wasn’t even my birthday. Oh, and I used to crack a lot of jokes about her sex face, but, in my defense, her sex face was hilarious. She looked like she was pooping.

Even though that last paragraph seems ridiculous, two out of those three things actually happened. Try and guess which one is the one I made up. It’s the worst guessing game ever.

So anyway, now that you’re all done swooning, we can get down to business. As a single guy, I spend a lot of time checking out women. Like, a lot. I check out women that I don’t really find that attractive. I check out women who I very clearly know are married or dating someone. Sometimes I even check out dudes that I think are women. GET A HAIRCUT, YOU FEMININE LOOKING BASTARD. Sometimes, after a girl turns around, I’ll discover the girl I was checking out from behind is clearly under 18. Then I feel bad, but only for a second.

Seesh. That paragraph is the closest my blog has ever gotten to landing me in jail. Let’s back up.

Often, when it comes to single personal finance bloggers, the refrain goes a little something like this.

“My (potential mate’s gender) has to have their financial head on their shoulders. I’m not interested in babysitting somebody who is in debt, or doesn’t know their way around a budget, or whatever. Sure, I might be in debt myself, but that’s different, dargbloomit! I’m actively working to pay it off.”

From my understanding, most people are looking for a financial equal. They want someone who takes care of their money, but yet someone who will still let them go out and buy shoes. (Or sports equipment, just so this post doesn’t look too sexist.) They want somebody who is balanced, yet still is actively working toward being debt free and is taking advantage of their RRSP match at work. Oh, and boobs.

And then there’s me. With respect to all the ladies out there in my awesome town, (we have dinosaurs!) I have met very few who are as committed to their finances as I am. Some fall into the category above, while most fall into those lesser categories that don’t give two craps about their money, provided they have enough to eat. What’s a fella like me supposed to do? What’s a burgeoning investor type guy to do, besides having his lawyer on standby for a prenup? I have an answer that might surprise you.

Nothing.

Over the past handful of years, my dating philosophy has gone from the Ayn Rand inspired motto of “she has to be heading in the same direction as me, only independently” to “whatever, as long as she doesn’t light $100 bills on fire, I’m good.”

My last serious girlfriend lived at home, rent free, and was employed full time. She saved a little, but not much. I didn’t care.

The last girl who ended up rejecting me had a brand new financed car and I’m pretty sure some student loans too. I didn’t let that stop me from making ultimately unsuccessful advances.

I get that we’re all into personal finance, but sometimes we don’t realize just how crazy we look to the rest of the world. You know that guy in your neighborhood who jogs all the time, and you think he’s crazy because he ALWAYS jogs? To the financially unmotivated, we’re that guy. We’re the crazy ones. I would know, I get asked about it all the time.

Unless you want to exclusively date personal finance bloggers, (and Lord knows, I’ve tried) you’re going to have a tough time finding a match that is on the same financial page as you are, especially as you get more and more successful. Sure, they’re out there, but you’re severely limiting yourself if you just look at potential mates by the size of their balance sheet. Hey, that could be a euphemism for penis.

Instead, be a little more tolerant of a prospective mate’s bad financial decisions. Most people grow up and start looking at their finances more seriously, at some point. Plus, how many young people just think loans are the way you buy cars? These days, credit card debt is basically a rite of passage. Just look at how many debt blogs there are.

Plus, you’ve got the opportunity to be a good financial influence on someone. As you get to know your new lady, give her glimpses into your world. Explain to her how compound interest works against her. Show her the increased cash flow she’ll get once her debt is paid off. I’m not saying you should try to change your new squeeze, but just help them find their way. And help them out too, whether you pick up more than your half of the tab, or even as a cheerleader.

And hey, if it doesn’t work, you can always do the dumping. Just don’t get her pregnant. That’s gonna kill your finances.

Tell everyone, yo!