Are you guys aware that payday loans are bad? I know, I am most likely BLOWING YOUR MIND right now, but just hear me out. Sometimes, when a dirtbag person is short on cash, they have to borrow money from companies that specialize in giving short term, unsecured loans for people who have no other credit options available. These companies charge a lot for the privilege, usually $25 for every $100 borrowed, due by the borrower’s next payday, hence the name of the loan. This is probably the first you’re hearing of this too, so allow me to shamelessly self-promote some old crap I wrote while probably pantsless.

Related: That time I looked into the actual financials behind payday loan companies

Anyway, you’re all probably outraged now that you know such loans exist. I know I am. I just went outside and punched four random guys right in the balls. I should probably speed this up. The cops are going to be here soon.

Good news though. I can stop being mad! Because I was going around the interwebz the other day, and discovered a post by some blog called Shop My Closet Project, which seems like a pretty poor name for a personal finance blog. At some point, the owner of said blog is going to run out crap in her closet (because of course it’s a ‘she’) and then, boom, the blog is dead. Anyhoo, her post, like four million before it, talks about how much payday loans suck. Take it away:

Let’s get this out of the way. I’ve had a Payday Loan, more than one.

Why is payday loan capitalized? Don’t answer that, I’m just getting my ‘errors in the language in which you communicate jokes’ out of the way. That’s the first sentence, by the way.

The thing is that before I was a hot mess with money-I was a hot, hot mess with money. So, I’ve made some progress.

Because when I think of someone you should take money advice from, it’s a person who is still a self-described hot mess with money. She’s the financial blog equivalent of replacing your 2 liters of Pepsi with 2 liters of Diet Pepsi. Yeah, that’ll cure everything!

There was a time when life happened (as it typically does) at a moment when I was completely unprepared to deal with a financial crisis.

Oh no! What will our protagonist do?

I didn’t have things to sell at home, I didn’t have a savings, and I didn’t have anyone who I could borrow from.

Did she consider selling her body? Hey, relax. I’m just spitballin’ ideas here.

Also, ‘a savings?’ What the hell is that?

I was working on fear and adrenaline. Fear and adrenaline are a dangerous combination like using meth and having sex-it never ends well.


I’d argue that meth and anything isn’t a good combination. Well, maybe using meth and some sort of meth antidote. I don’t know, this is dumb.

When life happened I decided to get a Payday loan-a decision that I learned to regret.

Only payday is capitalized, loan isn’t. Maybe she mixed meth with writing. It would explain the editing.

Instead, most people end up paying an outrageous amount of interest two weeks later on the loan and the cycle of paying crazy amounts of interest on one teensy loan begins. It is my belief that Payday lenders make the bulk of their money on those interest payments.

Most people think this, but it’s not true. Payday loan companies make the majority of their profits on entrance fees when you enter the store.

The business is not motivated to wean people off of the loan and the collection tactics are pretty outrageous.

How outrageous? I think I’m going to make a mostly horrified facial expression, to get a head start showing the world my anger at these ridiculous collection policies. Because I ain’t screwing around when it comes to how mad they make me!

When the client fails to pay the loan and I would argue that eventually many do, then the business will call the client’s place of work, etc.

Oh Em Gee, you guys. Not the dreaded etcetera. Not that! Oh the humanity!

Let’s be clear about a couple of things, instead of getting another Payday loan I would:

Ooh, a guessing game! A few suggestions:

1. Kick a baby

2. Rob a nice innocent old lady

3. Beat up a hobo

4. Eat at Arby’s

5. Read any of the crap written at Shop My Closet Project

6. Join the Yakezie challenge

Become a freegan! I would rather rummage through trash (Whole Foods and Starbucks) and eat what was thrown out that day. Than take out another Payday loan.

So assuming someone needs to get a payday loan to eat, I’m guessing $100 would be enough. You can keep yourself fed for a while with $100 if you’re cheap enough. A $100 payday loan would set you back $25. So, taking this logic one step further, the author would eat from the garbage for $25.

I like how she specified which garbage she’d be willing to eat out of. Because if there’s one thing people who eat from the garbage have, it’s standards.

I would prefer to find a job at a waste treatment facility, cleaning out the crap pipes, then get another Payday loan.

You hear that, people who work at waste treatment facilities? This chick would rather eat from the garbage than go and work where you do, even though people who work at waste treatment facilities probably get paid enough they don’t have to take out payday loans in the first place.

I would prefer crawling through poison ivy than get another Payday loan.

Uh, okay. Not sure what that has to do with anything. I guess I’d rather go on vacation than watch 14 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy.

Can I be any clearer about how much I hate these loans?

Judging by your last sentence, yes, I think you could be much clearer.

Another thing that is interesting about the Payday loan business are the business hours.

I think when she says ‘interesting,’ she really means ‘thing that exists.’

The business isn’t always open at the time that you need it to be.

Whoa. It’s almost like it’s the same as EVERY OTHER BUSINESS.

If you are using the bus and miss the bus you’re screwed if you miss the interest due date.

Gee, if only there was a solution to that, one she pointed out earlier in her post.

Because in order to take [a payday loan] out you are:… 6. Handing over a post dated (HOT) check

What!?!?!?!?!? Who said that?

I do have to say that the actual clerks are quite friendly and sympathetic. They are great people persons. Probably because they have seen every manifestation of human desperation during extreme financial duress. There is nothing fast or easy about getting that cash.

What? No, getting the cash is pretty easy. Have you guys ever watched an actual payday loan go down? It literally takes 10 minutes. The whole payday loan business model revolves around getting people cash quickly. This chick apparently went to the payday loan place ran by Hans Moleman.

Part of why I blog about money is show people that it’s possible to get to the other side.

Ah yes, the other side. The side where you pointed out like 600 words ago that you’re a hot mess when it comes to money. If only we could all aspire to that.

I have a long way to go so I’ll be blogging about money for awhile.

Oh goody!

Tell everyone, yo!