Approximately one year ago, I aroused both your eyeballs and Pituitary glands with a fun post about stock market facts. These facts were incredibly important to anyone who is looking to invest in the stock market, or maybe for impressing people at dinner parties. Do people still go to dinner parties? I was invited once, but then got kicked out when I tea bagged the appetizer meatballs.
Anyway, that post was fun, so lets do another. This one is on fun facts about the currency market. Stay tuned for next week, when we do fun facts about YOUR MOM (Fact #1: she’s hot!).
1. The currency market is larger than the stock and bond markets, combined. This seems like a lot, but in reality it’s only 10% of the size of size of Chris Christie’s ass. Just kidding Chris your ass is very slim. We don’t want to offend anyone here folks.
2. Options for travelers to exchange currency include banks, airport kiosks, and that guy that everyone knows who always has thousands of dollars in multiple currencies but totally doesn’t deal drugs.
3. Before the Euro, both Switzerland and France had currencies that were different, but yet were both called the Franc. Switzerland finally called dibs in 1993, which lead to the creation of the Euro.
4. In 2013, more than $5 trillion was traded per day in the currency market. Or, as we here at Financial Uproar call it, chump change.
5. Investors can take out loans when playing the currency market, up to $20 for every $1 invested. Anyone who plays the market without that kind of leverage is generally thought of as kind of a wuss.
6. Currency was invented back in 19382 BC, when (Annoyed Grunt) and (Perplexed Grunt) told (Caveman C) that “GODDAMN IT WE DON’T WANT TO TRADE FOR BARK IT’S LITERALLY EVERYWHERE.”
7. If the movies have taught me anything, it’s that carrying currency in a briefcase is a good idea with absolutely no potential downfalls. A sack with a dollar sign on it is also a good idea.
8. Slang words for dollars include bucks, cash, doneros, cashola, moolah, scratch, Benjamins, bread, cheddar, smackers, greenbacks, dead presidents, and, of course, spandex.
9. In Germany in the 1920s, the value of its currency went down so quickly that eventually it cost millions of Marks just to buy a loaf of bread. In the currency market, this is referred to as MAYBE DON’T LOSE THE WAR, BITCHES.
10. The currency market is closed on the weekend, mostly because it likes to get REALLY bombed every Friday. It does not appreciate you judging it, you have no idea what its home life is like.
11. The currency of South Africa is called the Rand, which was totally named after Ayn Rand. Or maybe it’s Rand McNally.
12. Just like with the stock market, a person who trades your currencies for you is a currency broker. Yes, he will make you broker! That’s an example of a very fun and unique currency market joke, copyright Financial Uproar 2015.
13. There is no actual currency exchange location, but rather a market made up largely of banks who just mostly trade among themselves. Hidden inside that market are a bunch of trolls, who do all of the physical trading. Or maybe it’s computers.
14. You are allowed to trade currencies while not wearing pants, but you cannot if you’re not wearing a shirt. Come on Scott, nobody wants to see that.
15. Technology exists where you can trade currencies while on the phone, possibly while on the can. Man, what a time to be alive! Nothing bad could arise from this.
16. When betting on a currency, investors totally get “bonus points” if they call it first, especially on Twitter. Ironically, these bonus points are not actually awarded in currency, but for some reason currency traders don’t seem to mind.
17. In Russia, the currency market is located in Putin’s basement. Every now and again he sends a bear downstairs, just to shake things up a little.
18. For the most part, the currency market’s job is to facilitate imports and exports. It’s not as glamorous as the stock or even bond markets, but AT LEAST IT HAS A JOB DEBBIE, GOD. STOP HASSLING ME. FRANK DOWN THE STREET DOESN’T EVEN WORK.
19. New so-called “cryptocurrencies” are entering the mainstream, like Bitcoin, Dogecoin, and Crazy Gold Nuts Except on the Internet. You can even use Bitcoin ATMs when you want to exchange your Bitcoins for regular currency that non-crazy people will take.
20. In South Korea, the currency is called the Won. Which is kind of ironic, considering they have lost approximately 3872 wars to Japan over the last millennium.
21. Thanks to technological advances, many currencies are now made of plastic instead of paper. The U.S. $1 bill is still made of paper, mostly because plastic feels too cold when you stick it in the stripper’s thong.
There you have it kids, 21 fun facts about the currency market. This is the perfect post to print out and leave by the can, so go ahead and do that.