If you kids are anything like me, you’re pretty much unappealing in every way.

You’re also complete cheap asses. It’s okay to admit it. When it comes to things I don’t care about, I will always choose the cheapest option. I carry around my laptop in a free backpack with Lays emblazoned on it because it was a free gift when I worked for that particular chip company. That backpack has been places, man. It has stories that would make the hair on the back of your neck stand STRAIGHT UP.

I can think of a million other examples. I buy dollar store Kleenex, because my nose can’t tell the difference. I haven’t bought a pen in years; I’m still using ones stolen from a nameless hotel three years ago. The scrap paper on my desk is the backside of documents I discarded months ago. Hell, even my post-its were free, a gift from the Egg Farmers of Alberta. Thanks, chicken lovers.

My cell phone is the same. As long as the thing rings when somebody calls me and connects when I want to EVISCERATE y’all on the Twitter, I’m good. Whatever cell phone plan lets me do that in the cheapest way is a-okay with me.

Previous cell phone plan

Right around a year ago I made the switch from iPhone to Android after I noticed my old iPhone 4s would need a little boost in the middle of the day to ensure it wouldn’t run out of juice.

It’s not like I was constantly on it, cruising Facebook or Instagram or whatever it is you kids do. I’d mostly just put it on my desk and work, periodically responding to stuff. It was just old and bloated with crapware over the years. I’m also 100% convinced Apple designs the software updates so old phones run slower than Don Cherry doing trigonometry.

So I got a new phone and a new plan with it. For $50 a month I got unlimited minutes, unlimited texts, and one GB of data, a promo deal from Koodo.

There were a couple of issues with the transaction, however. The first was buying the phone outright, which confused the hell out of the guy at the kiosk in the Wal-Mart electronics department. It turns out nobody buys their phone outright anymore. He eventually figured it out and I got a $100 Wal-Mart gift card just for buying my phone there and going on a month-to-month contract.

A couple of weeks after I bought the phone, it messed up and I had to return it to said kiosk. They replaced it for me, and I’ve been using this new phone since without incident.

Enter Public Mobile

The whole reason why I bought my phone outright is because I wanted the freedom to jump to another carrier if they were offering a better deal. That finally happened last week.

I discovered Public Mobile is offering a terrific new plan to new users. For $120 every three months, I could get unlimited in province calling (receive calls from anywhere, dial out to anyone in the same province), unlimited global texting (DONG PICS FOR EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE), and 12GB of data. Twelve. I’ll finally be able to live my dream of watching the Blue Jays lose where ever I am.

Like any good millennial, I try to avoid talking to people on the phone. What an inefficient way to communicate. So the somewhat limited minutes weren’t a big concern. Every plan these days offers unlimited texts, so that wasn’t very exciting either. But the 12GB of data over three months sounded pretty fantastic.

In short, I was getting more than what I had, and for $10 per month cheaper. Not bad.

It gets better. Public Mobile is big on getting people to sign up for pre-authorized billing. So they offer a $2 per month discount if you give them your credit card information.

This decreased my monthly cost to $38 per month, a full 24% lower than I was paying before. THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, BITCHES.

(Promptly goes out and buys $12 worth of temporary tattoos) SHUT UP THESE ARE BASICALLY FREE.

Limited time only

Public Mobile is a little different from the average cell phone provider. You do most everything yourself.

The first step is you gotta order your own SIM card. When I did this months ago, it was free. It’s now $5.00. Don’t sweat it, you’ll quickly save much more money than that.

The next step is you gotta unlock your phone. This is easily done. Just Google “unlock (model)” and you’ll have a million guys selling you unlock codes for the price of a decent burger. Don’t pay your current carrier $35 to do it.

Once the sim card shows up, punch out the size you need and then head on over to the website to register it.

Next, you’ll have to pick your plan. The best deals are only available if you sign up for 90-day plans, rather than the 30-day plans which are the norm. And everything from Public Mobile is pre-paid, so you’ll have to shell out the cost of your plan up front. Still, it’s worth every penny.

There are a few steps after that, but they’re not hard. If you’ve every bought anything online, you can navigate the process. It was easy.

Remember, this deal is only good until November 20th. So don’t slack, slacker.

How does it work?

It’s been a couple of days since I made the switch, and I haven’t noticed any difference at all. Public Mobile and Telus use the same network because Telus bought it out back in 2014. Telus also owns Koodo. So there was no change in my performance.

One downfall is there’s no contracts with Public Mobile. You’ll have to buy a phone before you can do anything.

I’d sure recommend y’all buy your phones outright. Sure, it costs more day one, but you’ve got the ability to hop from one carrier to the other, whoring yourself out to the lowest rate.

The other big downfall is you have to do everything yourself, from unlocking the phone in the first place to ordering the sim card. You can’t just go to some mall kiosk and get this stuff done. It’s a total DYI solution. That’s probably okay for most of you–like I mentioned, it isn’t hard to do the process, even if you’re porting from Koodo, like I did, which makes things a little more tricky–but it’s still something to keep in mind.

Special Koodo note

If you’re coming over from Koodo (or Telus), don’t pay to get your phone unlocked. It’s the same network, so there’s no need. All you need to do is sign up for a new (temporary) phone number, and then fill out the form on the Public Mobile website requesting to port your number to the new carrier.

It literally takes two minutes if you give them your Koodo/Telus account number. It was super easy.

Conclusion

Okay kids, here’s the deal. I can get up to $5 per month off my cell phone bill if I recommend five of you. I’m not about to give out my phone number to the masses, but if you found this valuable and are switching, I’d appreciate it if you’d email me (financialuproar [at] gmail [dot] com and I can save a few bucks.

Tell everyone, yo!