Ah, Reddit. The place where we go to see pictures of cute kitties, stupid memes that have already been posted 84 times, and scantily-clad pictures of OP’s mom. It was also primarily responsible for electing Donald Trump, so thanks a lot, jerks.
We’ve already made fun of Reddit at least once before, back when I lamented the lack of decent questions on the personal finance subreddits. Nice work, everyone, using it as your own personal Google.
And then there are people who respond, for no reason but to gain imaginary internet points. Some of Canada’s PF bloggers are active on Reddit and use it to increase their brand. I get that. I’ve even seen a few of them do it effectively. I don’t get why personal finance enthusiasts would spend time answering questions for nothing. Those are actual skills. Leverage them into getting paid, yo.
Anyhoo, because I am a giant hypocrite, allow me to answer some of Reddit’s best questions. Did I say best? Sorry, that was a typo. These questions are terrible.
(exasperated sigh) God I hate you.
Why are you so mean to people just starting their finance journey?
It’s not that. Really. I just want people to use their own grey matter once in a while. Or figure out the search function. Trust me, your question has been asked before.
Also, Financial Uproar got suggested as a blog to read in one of those threads, and some asshole downvoted it. So, yeah. BURN THAT PLACE TO THE GROUND.
Half off house
(Literally laughs ass off)
Okay, there’s gotta be more to this. Let’s open it up and see what aconfusednoob gives us for details.
First of all, Mr. Noob isn’t very good at math. At best, he’s buying the house for 55.5% of its value. At worst he’s paying nearly 63% of the house’s value. But whatever, this is a minor detail. Let’s go straight into the craziness of this plan.
First of all, these two sets of people need to hammer a lot of details out. Who gets the rent from the college kids? How will they decide how much rent the parents pay after a decade? Who decides what repairs need to be done? Who covers expenses like insurance and taxes? Hell, we don’t even know where the place is. There are way more questions than answers.
If I was this guy, I’d buy the place without any written agreement in place. Then I’d boot the parents out like they were slobbering drunks at closing time. Take that, assholes.
People. How many times do we have to go over this?
Bank accounts do not matter. At all.
Even if you pay a small fee, who cares? A few bucks a month isn’t keeping you down. It’s keeping nobody down. Just pick a bank account and be done with life.
And while you’re at it, don’t chase savings account promotions. Having money sitting in the bank is silly. Invest that ish, yo.
Do the kids still say ish and yo?
They never did.
NO TIME FOR YOU, ITALICS MAN.
Please validate my choices
YES. These ones are my favorite.
We’re going to need to check the details on this one. It’s sitting at zero upvotes, so here’s hoping for some crazy junk in there.
YESSSSSSSSSSSS. Guys, OP fucking delivered. There’s so much here I don’t even know where to begin.
Half of this crap really doesn’t matter. You have two RBC credit cards? A decent credit rating? Oh boy. SOMEBODY GET THE FAINTING COUCH, NELLY’S GONNA PASS OUT.
He’s also buying company shares that pay a dividend of 20%? I’d be impressed if it was true. It’s not.
Also, what’s up with a guy making $150k not contributing a nickel to an RRSP? I’m seeing too much of this. TFSAs are all fine and dandy, but high income earners who aren’t taking advantage of RRSPs are basically lighting money on fire..
Finally. A bizarre question on cheques
I don’t even know what to say. Why don’t you just take a picture of it using your smartphone like a regular person?
Investing small amounts
First of all, if you only wanted 10% of your portfolio in VAB (Vanguard’s bond fund), why would you invest in it first? That doesn’t make any sense.
About two years ago I talked about how index investors are making the whole practice way the hell too complicated. This is exactly what I’m talking about. $1,000 isn’t a inconsequential amount of money. I would gladly take it if you didn’t want it. But if you’re looking to build a million dollar portfolio one day, then it’s peanuts. Just get it invested in equities and ask questions later.
And while you’re at it, consider some more alternative options if you only have $1,000 to invest.
Should I pay my debt?
Three question marks, guys. OP is serious.
I’m glad you asked, OP. Listen closely, because this is going to get complicated. First, you’re going to need to get yourself one of those offshore shell corporations. I’d choose Panama, but it’s really up to you. Then you invest the cash in inverse volatility futures, generating an income stream by selling puts. Then you need to invest that income in structured exchange notes, preferably ones that trade on the Nikkei exchange.
Or you could just pay down the damn credit card debt. Either or.
Leaving the country
These people actually exist? YESSSSSSSSSSSS. Don’t move to Canada though. We don’t want you.
I like how OP just sort of throws it out there at the end that moving to a brand new country with only $1,000 might be a bit of an overreaction.
Going nowhere fast
Ah, the humblebrag. Sure, I’m worth more than 98% of other 27-year olds, but I’m struggling too guys!
I run into this with readers and other bloggers every now and again, and I’m always reminded about the value of patience. Becoming wealthy isn’t supposed to happen overnight. It’s supposed to be a gradual process. It’s supposed to be hard, dammit. If it isn’t, you won’t value it. Look at lottery winners if you don’t believe me.
This person has too many goals that cost too much money. I know your parents told you to reach for the stars or some other such nonsense. But the real world isn’t like that. We only have a finite amount of resources. Focus on one goal at a time, preferably one that isn’t graduate school.