Spoiler alert: It turns out we are all awesome. Except for one person. He sucks big time.

Approximately one year ago, I asked hundreds of your favorite personal finance bloggers (and Financial Uproar) to submit their four favorite stocks for 2016. And some even responded!

The rules of the contest were simple. Pick stocks or ETFs that trade on major North American exchanges. The average return of the four stocks (including dividends) would be used. If a stock got acquired during the year the participant would be locked into that gain. And that was about it. It’s a pretty simple contest.

When we last left the stock picking contest, two competitors were running away with things. Blog reader Doug’s mini portfolio was up 116%, while Janine from My Pennies My Thoughts was up more than 72%. My Own Advisor was a distant third, with his picks up more than 24%.

The fourth quarter was a good one for the stock market. For some reason, people are actually excited about a President Donald Trump, something I still can’t believe is a thing. Well played, America. I’m happy to see you guys like jokes.

This bump helped our stock picks. A lot. Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

The results

Let’s do things a little differently this time around. We’ll start with the guys who suck and work our way up to the champion.

14. Boomer and Echo 

Under Armor -63.96%
Go Pro -51.64%
Mastercard 6.83%
Fitbit -75.24%
Total  -46.01%

Lol look guys it’s like he tried to find the next Apple over and over again only to fail more badly than that time I tried to pick up crazy Amanda Bynes. How did she not die in 2016?

I have already sent the Golden Toilet award to Robb’s house. I didn’t even need to know the address. It turns out Canada Post was well aware of his suckage too.

13. Kapitalust 

Chipotle -21.37%
Sam Adams -15.88%
Lululemon 23.86
Sprouts Farmers Markets -28.85%
Total -10.56%

Honestly, I should have expected this. He can’t even spell Capitalist right.

12. Don’t Quit Your Day Job

Neustar 39.34%
Cal-Marine Foods -2.11%
Tesoro -15.06%
Honda Motors -8.58%
Total 3.4%

OH HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN. Last year’s runaway champion is now almost last, much to my delight. This happened in 2015, too. It’s almost like this is luck or something LALALALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

11. Blog reader Ben

Starbucks -6.18%
Sierra Wireless -0.25%
Dream Office REIT 21.54%
Bank of America 32.86%
Total 11.99%

You know it’s going to be a good year for everyone when a guy who gains 12% is outside of the top 10.

10. Blog Reader Jeff

Pro-Metic Life Sciences -33.63%
ATS Automation 10.02%
New Residential Investment 44.41%
Bank of America 32.86%
Total 13.41%

New Residential Investment still has a succulent 11.7% dividend if y’all are into such things.

9. Avrex Money

Richie Bros Auctioneering 38.60%
Ebay 8.04%
Expeditors International 19.20%
Molina Healthcare -9.76%
Total 14.02%

I’m going to just go ahead and assume that Molina Healthcare is both owned and operated by Yadier Molina, catcher for the St. Louis Cardinals and highest earning man on the planet with a neck tattoo.

8. Freedom 35 Blog

Starbucks -6.18%
Equifax 7.34%
Waste Management 35.94%
Royal Bank 26.92%
Total 16.01%

Do you guys think if I invested in the garbage company they’d pick up my damn trash more often than once every three weeks? It’s beginning to be a real problem. If they don’t get better I’m going to be forced to take up hoarding.

7. Vanessa’s Money

Walmart 15.20%
iShares Canada ETF 23.49%
Ionis Pharmaceuticals -22.77%
Bombardier 61.19%
Total  19.28%

HA HA MY WIFE SUCKS AND NOW SHE GETS TO HEAR ABOUT IT ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I WILL NOT RELENT. Only a quitter will let her forget about the ABSOLUTE THRASHING SHE TOOK FROM ME.

6. Financial Uproar

Corus 27.22%
Hammond Manufacturing -5.37%
Franklin Resources 9.51%
Directcash 64.15%
Total 23.88%

I would just like to thank Directcash for boosting me up. I owe you guys one. FINE, I’LL GO TAKE SOME CASH OUT ONE DAY GEEZ.

(takes cash out)

“$3 service fee? Go straight to hell.”

Disclosure: I still own Corus and Hammond. Sold Directcash the day the buyout offer came in.

The top five

Pretty impressed at results this year. I returned 24% and didn’t even crack the top five.

5. My Own Advisor

Bank of Nova Scotia 38.57%
Crescent Point 16.32%
TransCanada 38.97%
Emerson Electric 20.57%
Total 28.61%

Mark’s picks are pretty solid. Maybe he should expand into being other people’s advisors. I’ll pay him $9 a year to promptly ignore his advice.

4. Blog reader Tyler

Dundee Preferred shares 62.27%
Imperial Ginseng -30.67%
CRH Medical 74.88%
Diversified Royalty 15.39%
Total 30.47%

Remember when I talked about preferred shares as an income stream? If you identify the right company they can be a massive capital gain opportunity too.

3. Holy Potato

Canexus 22.22%
Freddie Mac Preferred Shares 140.14%
Dundee Preferred Shares 14.67%
American Hotel REIT 4.83%
Total 45.46%

*Potato’s Dundee preferred shares were a different series than Tyler’s. His were swapped out for other ones much earlier in the year. The rules state he’s locked into that return. Not that it would have mattered anyway.

2. My Pennies My Thoughts

Aurora Cannabis 283.33%
Home Depot 2.95%
Dupont Fabros Technology 44.20%
Barrick Gold 110.94%
Total  110.35%

Don’t let Janine’s fantastic returns fool you. Pot stocks are going to end badly. Although I may just want them to fail because of morons like this out there:

“Weed cures cancer, man. They already know it. There’s just too much money to be made treating it!”

(takes bong hit)

(eats handful of Doritos)

And finally….

1. Blog reader Doug

Aurora Cannabis 283.33%
Nemaska Lithium 181.82%
Painted Pony Petroleum 164.94%
Knight Therapeutics 39.12%
Total 167.30%

Hot damn, kids, that has to be some kind of record. Well played, Doug. Considering his fondness of weed stocks maybe we should call him Snoop Doug.

How’d we do versus the index?

We kicked that index’s ass, son!

The TSX Composite Index was up 17.51%. It paid 2.72% in dividends for a total return of 20.23%.

The S&P 500 was up 9.84%. It paid 2.41% in dividends for a total return of 12.25%.

If all our stocks would have been organized in one giant portfolio, we’d be up a collective 30.54%.

That’s the kind of ass kicking Warren Buffett would be proud of. Well done, team. Look for our collective hedge fund to launch in the next couple of months. The working name is Nelson and 13 other morons who are just bringing me down capital management. LLC.

Stay tuned for tomorrow when the much larger 2017 contest will be unveiled, along with my TOP stock pick of 2017. Oh my, what a tease.

Tell everyone, yo!