Each year, I ask LITERALLY HUNDREDS of your favorite finance blogs (and Financial Uproar, which we can all agree sucks now) to participate in a stock picking contest. I do this same ol’ preamble even though the contest is almost old enough to drink and y’all clearly know what the deal is.

Anyhoo, for the two of you who don’t know the rules, here’s how it works. Each participant chooses four stocks, ETFs, preferred shares, or whatever else. As long as it’s not too weird, I’m okay with it. The total return of each (including dividends) is then divided by four to get a average return. Any inter-listed stocks automatically default to the Toronto Stock Exchange listing and if your stock gets acquired during the year, you’re locked into that return.

Enough about the rules. Let’s get to the returns. We’ll start with the worst and work our way up.

The returns, yo

22. Financial Uproar

Hammond (TSX:HMM.A) -4.69%
Hudson’s Bay (TSX:HBC) -17.66%
HMG/Courtland Properties (NYSE:HMG) 1.33%
Dundee Corporation (TSX:DC.A) -31.6%
Total -13.15%

I keep telling you guys that Financial Uproar guy sucks. Why won’t anyone listen to me?

21. Doug

Knight Therapeutics (TSX:GUD) -3.26%
Hudson’s Bay (TSX:HBC) -17.66%
Precision Drilling (TSX:PD) -14.07%
Manulife Financial (TSX:MFC) -0.48%
Total -8.87%

Doug was last year’s champion. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This happens every year, btw, much to my delight.

20. Asset-Based Life

First Solar (NASDAQ:FSLR) -15.55%
Frontline (NYSE:FRO) -3.09%
Deutsche Bank (NYSE:DB) -5.19%
Egypt ETF (NYSE:EGPT) 7.39%
Total -4.11%

These returns aren’t 100% accurate since Deutsche Bank gave investors some rights when it did a big equity raise back in March. But since Paul’s results were pretty crappy I didn’t bother including them.

19. Marty Guthrie

Coffee ETF (NYSE:JO) -0.56%
Fiat (NYSE:FCAU) 19.85%
Natural Gas ETF (NYSE:UNG) -18.95%
Xerox (NYSE:XRX) -15.23%
Total -3.73%

Marty Guthrie isn’t his real name, obviously, but I still enjoyed his coffee and natural gas ETF picks. Too bad they didn’t do better.

18. Don’t Quit Your Day Job

Bed Bath & Beyond (NASDAQ:BBBY) -2.58%
Urban Outfitters (NASDAQ:URBN) -16.57%
Spirit Airlines (NASDAQ:SAVE) -8.28%
Air Lease Corp (NYSE:AL) 13.11%
Total -3.58%

I enjoyed the contrarian retail and airline picks. Remember, Buffett hadn’t yet invested in the sector when these picks were made. Does PK know Warren Buffett? ALL SIGNS POINT TO YES.

17. My Pennies My Thoughts Janine Rogan

Uranium Energy Corp (TSX:UEC) 26.79%
Prairie Sky Royalty (TSX:PSK) -11.58%
Raytheon Corp (NYSE:RTN) 8.17%
Medical Marijuana -35.82%
Total -3.11%

Janine did well going with medical marijuana last year, so it makes sense for her to go back to that well. It did not work out as well as hoped,  but pot stocks are plenty volatile. It could easily come back.

16. Canadian Value Investing

Stella Jones (TSX:SJ) -10.03%
Brookfield Asset Management (TSX:BAM.A) 9.80%
Diversified Royalty Corp (TSX:DIV) 1.36%
Input Capital (TSXV:INP) -3.05%
Total -0.48%

Man, these so-called value investors suck, huh?

15. Ben

Pizza Pizza (TSX:PZA) -1.11%
Alaris Royalty (TSX:AD) -5.16%
Dreyfus High Yield Strategies Fund (NYSE:DHF) 3.27%
American Hotel REIT (TSX:HOT.UN) 4.78%
Total 0.45%

BORING!

My Own Advisor called and he wants his lame picks back.

14. Freedom 35 Blog

Royal Bank (TSX:RY) 7.54%
Fairfax Financial (TSX:FFH) -4.61%
High Liner Foods (TSX:HLF) -8.82%
Honeywell (NYSE:HON) 8.36%
Total 0.62%

Another lame quarter. I demand better entertainment.

13. My Own Advisor

Algonquin Power (TSX:AQN) 12.82%
Suncor Energy (TSX:SU) -6.26%
General Electric (NYSE:GE) -4.94%
Wells Fargo (NYSE:WFC) 1.69%
Total 0.83%

It’s fun when punchlines write themselves.

12. Boomer and Echo

First Solar (NASDAQ:FSLR) -15.55%
Canadian Solar (NASDAQ:CSIQ) 0.74%
Tesla (NASDAQ:TSLA) 30.24%
Exxon Mobil (NYSE:XOM) -8.31%
Total 1.78%

I’m at least 60% convinced Boomer and Echo throws this contest on purpose by jumping on trends right as investors stop caring. We’ll see if his bet on renewables works out this year or not.

11. Holy Potato

CIBC (TSX:CM) 5.82%
Genworth MI Canada (TSX:MIC) 10.55%
Equitable Bank (TSX:EQB) 15.12%
Home Capital Group (TSX:HCG) -16.44%
Total 3.84%

Holy Potato’s bet on the Canadian housing market isn’t working out so badly.

10. Vanessa’s Money

Wal-Mart (NYSE:WMT) 5.02%
Russia ETF (NYSE:RSX) -2.59%
Southwest Airlines (NYSE:LUV) 8.07%
Sandridge Mississippian Trust (TSX:SDR) 7.23%
Total 4.43%

My wife is beating me. If y’all need me I’ll be forcing her to make me nine dinners a night.

Time for the top nine

9. Kapitalust 

Gilead Sciences (NASDAQ:GILD) -4.43%
GlaxoSmithKline (NYSE:GSK) 10.98%
Norvo Nordisk (NYSE:NVO) -2.54%
Domino’s Pizza (NYSE:DPZ) 16.03%
Total 5.01%

Good for Mr. Lust, improving on his lackluster performance last year.

8. JT McGee

Crossroads Capital (NASDAQ:XRDC) 7.51%
Interactive Brokers (NASDAQ:IBKR) -4.63%
Oaktree Capital (NYSE:OAK) 22.48%
Vanguard Short-Term Bond ETF 0.70%
Total 6.52%

I took a look at Crossroads Capital a few months ago, but didn’t pull the trigger. That’s looking to be a mistake.

7. Dividend Growth Investor

Russia ETF (NYSE:RSX) -2.59%
Turkey ETF (NYSE:TUR) 10.26%
Poland ETF (NYSE:PLND) 18.49%
Italy ETF (NYSE:EWI) 6.32%
Total 8.12%

I love how this contest brings out people’s innovative side. I guarantee DGI doesn’t own any of these in real life.

6. Ian Bezek

Diageo (NYSE:DEO) 12.34%
Brown Foreman (NYSE:BF.B) 3.21%
Vina Concha y Toro (NYSE:VCO) 3.43%
Formento Economico Mexicano SAB (NYSE:FMX) 16.15%
Total 8.78%

Ian’s all booze portfolio is doing pretty well, probably because everyone who didn’t vote Trump are drowning their sorrows as we speak. NO YOU’RE DRUNJ.

5. Blog reader Jeff

Prometic Life Sciences (TSX:PLI) 3.14%
New Residential (NYSE:NRZ) 11.07%
LGI Homes (NYSE:LGIH) 18.03%
Linamar (TSX:LNR) 5.06%
Total 9.32%

All four results were positive. Nice work, Jeff.

4. Financial Canadian

Enbridge (TSX:ENB) -0.37%
Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL) 24.53%
Disney (NYSE:DIS) 8.80%
Brookfield A.M. (TSX:BAM.A) 9.80%
Total 10.69%

Financial Canadian has seemingly abandoned his blog, which is a shame. I thought he was one of the more promising new voices in the Canadian blog world.

3. Steveonomics

Amazon (NASDAQ:AMZN) 18.23%
Exxon Mobil (NYSE:XOM) -8.31%
Bank of America (NYSE:BAC) 7.10%
The GEO Group (NYSE:GEO) 31.00%
Total 12.01%

I always enjoy it when a documented index investor does well in contests like this one. JOIN THE DARK SIDE MY FRIEND.

2. Tawcan

Canopy Growth (TSX:WEED) 16.52%
Facebook (NASDAQ:FB) 23.47%
Honeywell (NYSE:HON) 8.36%
Mastercard (NYSE:MA) 9.14%
Total 14.37%

Another dividend growth investor who has shrugged off an obviously underperforming strategy for something much better. COME AT ME DIVIDEND GUYS I’LL FIGHT EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU.

And finally…

1. Roadmap 2 Retirement

Silver Wheaton (TSX:SLW) 6.82%
Ivanhoe Mining (TSX:IVN) 82.68%
Junior Gold ETF (NYSE:GDXJ) 14.04%
Brazil ETF (NYSE:EWZ) 12.36%
Total 28.97%

And a dividend growth guy leads the contest by picking some no-name commodity stock. This is what makes this contest fun.

Tell everyone, yo!