My favorite story of the week was definitely Jacob Wohl and his bombshell accusations against Robert Mueller. On Tuesday, Wohl used his Twitter account to announce he had sworn testimony from a woman who had been repeatedly sexually assaulted by Mueller. Almost immediately holes began to form in Wohl’s story, including the fact the investigative company who contacted him about the alleged assault was, in fact, owned by Wohl and the contact number was his mother’s cell phone.

Oh, it gets better.

Wohl promised he would reveal all during a big news conference planned for a Holiday Inn in Arlington, Virginia. Because hey, what major news story hasn’t been formally announced at a Holiday Inn conference room? True story: that’s where NASA first announced we landed on the moon. George W Bush confirmed 9/11 at a Holiday Inn. Look it up if you want, but there’s no reason to. I am 100% certain I’m right.

The news conference was scheduled to start at 11. Wohl didn’t take the stage until nearly 12. He spun a tale about a woman named Carolyn Cass who was repeatedly and violently sexually assaulted by Robert Mueller. Or maybe her name is Caroline Cass. Or Carolyne Cass. It turns out all of those names were used at some point.

His lawyer then took over, addressing the crowd of assembled reporters — with his fly undone. The. Whole. Time. He had high praise for Jacob Wohl though, at one point calling him a “child prodigy who has eclipsed Mozart.”

You have to read the whole story. It’s absolutely hilarious.

You might remember Jacob from 2015, when he made headlines for being a 17-year old hedge fund manager. This worked out rather poorly for him, including an SEC investigation and a lifetime ban from the securities industry. He then shifted his attention to politics, becoming a vocal Trump supporter.

According to this Twitter user, Wohl also strode into a merchant bank after being barred from the securities industry and asked for $25 million to start a new fund. When they refused, he went and tried the same tactic on the competition.

Jacob Wohl is my new favorite person. Such a crook. I love it.

Links I liked

1. Let’s start things off with Cold and Rich, a value investing blog that focuses on Canadian companies. He recently profiled Pizza Pizza, which is a big holding of mine too. With shares at a 52-week low of $8.50 each as I write this, I agree they’re probably a pretty good buy right now.

2. Next up is Money Scrap, who points out financial independence will not make all of your problems go away. This is a valuable lesson many early retirees realize after they’ve been away from the workforce for a few years. Sure, all of your career problems go away, but they’re replaced with different things.

3. Susan Brummer, who profiles a stock each weekday, recently took a closer look at a new holding of mine, Molson Coors. She concludes it’s probably a pretty decent value here, although shares have shot up from below $80 each to more than $90 this week.

4. Spruce Point Capital, a prominent hedge fund that primarily shorts stocks, recently issued a pretty damning report on Dollarama, a former market darling that’s down about 30% from its peak. Here’s what I wrote about the company a few weeks ago over on the ol’ dividend investing blog.

I should probably update that thing, huh? I even have new positions to report.

5. It looks like this is going to be a mostly investing version of the ol’ link dump. New (to me, at least) blog Old-School Canadian Value Stocks is no fan of Sleep Country Canada stock, even going as far as considering shorting the thing. He’s got me convinced; I’ve long known the worst kind of hell is shopping for furniture while some commissioned sales guy is licking his chops in anticipation.

6. Did you know heavy oil from Alberta currently sells for less than $20 per barrel, while the benchmark price for crude in North America is well over $60 per barrel? Divestor explains why the spread exists and why the situation is very bad news for investing in the sector.

7. Mark Leonard, the CEO of Constellation Software, is equal parts elusive and fascinating. There’s almost no information known publicly about the guy despite him being a billionaire and the leader of a TSX 60 company. His only communication to shareholders is an annual letter. The Globe and Mail tried to profile him a few years ago, but didn’t have much luck.

8. Tired of paying too much income tax? Yeah, we all are. Dale Roberts has you covered over at Boomer and Echo. It’s always fun when two of my favorite writers get together. I like to pretend we’re all friends.

Like you have friends. 

(A single tear slowly rolls down my cheek) Whatever, Italics Man. Your words don’t bug me.

9. Mr. Tako Escapes has something like $600,000 in cash. No, that’s not a typo. He really is sitting on a half mil, which isn’t doing much. He explains why he takes such a conservative position and why it works for him.

I’ve decided I like FIRE blogs that don’t talk so much about how great FIRE is. Mr. Tako is great at this.

10. Artis REIT cut its dividend 50% on Thursday, which will knock a couple hundred bucks off the ol’ Nelson passive income report. But I do like its strategy to buy back undervalued shares. Jordan from Money Maaster has the deets.

11. Apparently there are rumblings the TFSA limit could go up to $6,000 in 2019. That’s more exciting than that time I found a quarter in my couch cushions. FREE MONEY BABY.

12. And finally, time for something completely different. Here’s the worst called ball of the 2018 MLB season. You’ll like this one, I promise. Unless you hate baseball, that is.

Have a good weekend, everyone. See you on Monday.

Tell everyone, yo!