Hot Personal Finance Blogger Chicks Part 3

 Big Picture Stuff, Sex and Money  18 Responses »
Mar 092012
 

Oh snap kids, it’s back. It’s the 3rd anniversary of the worst tradition of all time. For those of you unfamiliar, take the chance now to go check out part 1 and part 2 of the series. Then come back real quick, because it’s gonna get all awkward and creepy in here.

Every March 10th, for the past 2 years, I’ve highlighted the best of the female part of the personal finance blog-o-net, which is totally a word. These ladies have it all going on – they’re smart, sexy, and they have blogs that are definitely worth a few minutes of your time. I figure if I keep this up for enough years, I’ll score a date with at least one of them, even if it’s only a pity date. It hasn’t worked so far, but hey, it’s only been three years. I can keep this up for decades.

This year, March 10th is on Saturday, and we wouldn’t want this post to interfere with the Saturday Morning Dump, now would we? So, I’m publishing it a day early. Is this literally the worst segue into the weekend ever? DON’T ANSWER THAT.

It’s time for the ladies to shine. Like the previous 2 incarnations of this list, these ladies are in no particular order. I AM AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OGLER. You know I would sleep with each and every one of these ladies. Preferably all at once.

Whoops, that last sentence just slipped out. Let’s do this.

1. She Bloggs

First up we have Jen, who called her blog She Bloggs, helping guys like me quickly figure out her gender. I’m not sure what the extra g stands for. I’m going with “Gee, I wish Financial Uproar would feature me in a creepy post talking about how I’m hot even though we’ve never met.” WELL JEN, IT’S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

Seriously you guys, this woman has paid off $34,000 worth of debt in less than a year. You know how? She’s a headhunter, and is obviously good at it. I’m pretty sure she could even find me a job, which is impressive considering my lack of skills and inability to wear pants.

She also has a boyfriend. Am I gonna let that stop me? You all know the answer to that.

2. Betty Kincaid

Next up we have the sexier half of Control Your Cash, Betty Kincaid. Oh Betty. Where to begin? First off, Betty is a cougar, and cougars are officially awesome. Rawr and whatnot. Plus, she has red hair, which is super sexy, considering my well documented redhead fetish.

Betty is in real estate in the real world, and she knows her stuff. If any of you are going to write any real estate posts, I’d recommend begging Betty to give you her input on them. They’ll automatically be 145% better.  Just read anything she’s written on the subject.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’d like Betty to be my sugar mama. That sound you hear? That’s Greg coming to kick my ass.

3. Broke TO

Batting in the 3 hole is Melissa Wilson from Broke TO, who is definitely my favorite words with friends opponent, even though she keeps kicking my ass. Even though she writes all about frugality and do-it-yourself projects (subjects that aren’t admittedly my favorite) I still find her blog is one of the first I’ll check out in my reader. She’s funny, her writing is entertaining, and she could totally cook me dinner. My heart is going ba-boom.

Melissa is a freelance journalist, which is pretty much my dream job at this point. (Edit: She has a real job now. Way to ruin my post Melissa)  She’s great at saving money and keeping her spending under control, which might even be sexier than a nice set of boobs. (I said might fellas, relax) And she’s single! If I lived in Toronto, I’d totally let her reject me. I’d even look past the fact she’s a little obsessed with her cat. Next!

4. Afford Anything

Next up is Paula Pant, who is definitely the sexiest Nepalese-American I’ve ever had the pleasure of ogling over the interwebs. And I’m not just saying that because she wrote me a guest post once, or she’s the only Nepalese-American I’ve ogled. At least I think. I don’t exactly check out the nationalities of all the women I check out.

The only thing that surpasses Paula’s loveliness is her intelligence. Along with her very lucky boyfriend (damn him) they’re beginning to build a real estate empire that will probably one day rival Donald Trump’s, without the bad hair. Oh, and she’s also visited like 30 different countries, quitting her job to travel for a couple of years. Admit it, Paula is living your fantasy life. The only thing missing from my fantasy life is her. And about 4 other chicks. And chocolate sundaes.

5. Kathryn’s Conversations

Rounding out the top 5 is a blog which I think should really get more attention, called Kathryn’s Conversations, even though it’s ran by some chick named Sally.

No, it’s ran by Kathryn. She works in the finance industry, so she knows what she’s talking about, yet does a good job dumbing down the concepts so a moron like you can understand them. She’s also single, (yes!) older than me, (a cougar, yessss!) a hot blond, (yesssssssssssss!!) and clearly has a couple of bucks to her name. I’m going to need a cold shower pretty soon.

6. Thirty Six Months

Sixth on the list is Marissa from Thirty Six Months. For whatever reason, I always type out Thirty Sex Months whenever I type out the name of her blog. NICE PLANNING MARISSA.

It’s seems like she’s everywhere these days, I swear she’s had a guest post appear on every single PF blog over the past few months. Plus, she once admitted her bra size to me on Twitter, information I quite appreciated having. She’s working hard to erase her student loans in the next 3 years, hence the name of the blog. I wouldn’t bet against her.

Upon further inspection of her archives, she has a boyfriend. DAMMIT ALL TO HELL.

7. Random Thoughts And Acronyms

And finally, we have the winner for the oddest named personal finance blog, Vanessa from Random Thoughts and Acronyms. Vanessa clearly heard I was into girls with those thick rimmed glasses, so she got some just to please me. Why won’t more of you ladies do things specifically to please me?

Anyway, she’s on about her 144th year of schooling (author’s estimate) and she she’s got a positive net worth. Oh, and she works two jobs. Hell, I barely work one. She’s a living, breathing example of how anybody can put themselves in a good financial position.

One negative though – she lives in Quebec, where they’re not too nice to native English speakers like Vanessa. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, I’m so there. And to do other things on.

Unfortunately ladies, not all of you could make the cut. But hey, that’s what next year is for, right? You know you want to be accosted by some creepy dude over the internet. Just admit it and it’ll be easier for everyone. See you all next year, unless some jealous boyfriend comes and beats me up first.

 Posted by Nelson Smith at 4:20 am

Can Sluts Teach Us A Lesson On Personal Finance?

 Big Picture Stuff, Sex and Money  9 Responses »
Mar 012012
 

Because every good blog post begins with a rant, allow me to begin mine.

I am not that old of a person. Sure, my 20s are basically in the rearview mirror. I’m tempted to yell at teenagers approximately once a week, but that’s mostly because I’m an easily irritated curmudgeon. I can grow a full beard now, much to the chagrin of my mother, who does not care for said beard. Sure, I’m a grown up now, but I’m not old.

Saying that, in the decade in which I’ve became a grown-up, it seems like I’ve watched the ladies become more and more promiscuous. I’ve watched many of them go out and get drunk, (alas, alcohol is almost always involved) flirt with a similarly drunk dude, and end up having some sexy fun over at somebody’s place. Women used to be labeled as a slut if they bedded a different guy each weekend. Now she’s viewed as sexually liberated. Maybe I’m guilty of looking at the past through rose colored glasses, but it sure seems like sexual promiscuity has become quite normal.

I don’t really have a moral problem with this; I’m nobody’s doting grandmother. Women should be able to do whatever the hell they want, assuming their partner is consenting and no farm animals are involved. I’m typically nowhere near these types of situations, because drunk people generally annoy me. I like promiscuous chicks as much as the next guy, and would probably take advantage of one, assuming I didn’t have to put much effort into it. Yes, I’m even lazy when it comes to casual sex.

But as I get older, I prefer something a little more… structured. Call me old fashioned, but whatever happened to the chase? Whatever happened to the butterflies after the first date? Whatever happened to getting to know someone first? If all it takes is $50 worth of drinks and a few hours of my time to get a girl naked, what are my motivations for respecting her in the morning? Sex has gone from a physical expression of feelings to a simple exchange of orgasms, accompanied by a boost of self esteem, especially for the female. Hey, she thinks, I must be attractive if I can seduce this guy.

How does this apply to personal finance?

This is only a symptom of a bigger issue, our quest for immediate gratification. Want to go on vacation? Screw saving up for it, that’s what credit cards are for. A new car? No problem, just go down to the dealership and finance one. If you have bruised credit, just pay a higher rate. It’s no big deal, it’s only money. You can make similar arguments about the way we eat and the way we need to check our iPhones every time we get an email.

With the exception of the minority we’re part of, nobody saves for their retirement, nobody has an ample emergency fund, and nobody thinks of anything but the here and now. Is this because we’re better than the masses, or because we’ve figured out there are benefits when we save for the future?

With birth control and condoms pretty much universal, casual sex is basically without consequences – assuming you do it right. We all know someone who went without the condom in the heat of the moment and either ended up with a nasty surprise when they peed a few days later or a nasty surprise 9 months later. That is the worst case scenario of casual sex. If looking at a crying, pooping baby doesn’t make you stick a condom in your wallet, you are a special kind of stupid.

What’s the worst case scenario of living in the moment? That’s up for debate, since everybody has their own rock bottom when it comes to their finances. Some people turn their lives around after maxing out one credit card, others won’t blink when they’ve maxed out 3. Some people will finally get their act together after filing for bankruptcy, while others will get themselves right back into financial peril as soon as someone will lend them money again.

Random aside: there seems to be a movement in the blogosphere where people actually think it’s a good idea to finance vacations. I should really do a blog post about that. Talk about living in the moment.

Ladies, I am probably the last guy you should listen to when it comes to your body. Hell, I’d probably sleep with most of my female readers, since I keep striking out with my prospective dates. But maybe you should have similar goals for your sex life and your financial life. Living in the now is all fine and good, but if that’s all you do, you leave nothing for the future. And the next thing you know, you’ll wake up, on the wrong side of 30, without a man or a nest egg. Maybe when that happens, you’ll be desperate enough to sleep with me. I could go for some desperation sex. You know how to contact me.

 Posted by Nelson Smith at 4:20 am

Is It Time To Rethink Weddings?

 Personal Finance, Sex and Money  8 Responses »
Feb 022012
 

Before we begin this post, I should probably disclose to the 2 people who don’t already know that I’m single. I’ve been single for a little while now, possibly because cute girls keep rejecting my awkward advances. I have to shave my palms more often than I shave my face. Hell, I can’t even get pity dates. You know those old single ladies? Well, they feel sorry for me. So, married people, keep in mind that this post is from the perspective of a single guy, and a somewhat cynical one at that. So, you know, don’t get too excited in the comments.

I’m almost resigned to the fact I’ll get married. I’m not saying that I don’t want to end up with a woman – of course I do. Somebody’s gotta make me dinner and do my laundry, and we all know it isn’t going to be me. (Sexist jokes are fun!) There’s also that whole true love thing, which is something that everyone looks for, no matter how tough their outside exterior may seem. There are certain advantages to pairing off. I understand that. I just think a traditional wedding is a pretty horrible way to celebrate this union.

I’m thinking back to the last few weddings I’ve been to. The bride wears a dress that she’ll only wear for about 8 hours, often at a price of (at least) several hundred dollars. Each of the bridesmaids wears a dress that’s worth a couple hundred bucks, which they have to buy, that they’ll probably only wear once. Each of the groomsmen is forced to rent a tux, which costs a couple hundred bucks, for an event that’ll only last a day. The cost of clothing alone reaches several thousand dollars, with each member of the bridal party shelling out a few hundred bucks for the privilege of being part of the entourage.

But wait, there’s more. Each guest invited to the wedding is expected to give a gift. Sure, if you don’t have the means to buy something nice, the couple will understand, and probably appreciate your thoughtful or homemade gift. But if you do have the means? It’ll never be said to your face, but you’ll be labeled a cheap you-know-what if you’re not buying a gift of at least $100. Hey, the new couple totally needs a top of the line fondue set, even though they’ve been living together for 2 years before they got married.

As a single guy, I’m tired of this, and I’m calling for all other single people out there to join in the revolution! Join me, and rise up against the evil that weddings have become! Together, we can fight this, and change the status quo! Who’s with me?

(Crickets chirping)

Nobody, huh? Well, that’s okay, I’m going to keep going. It’s time to take the traditional wedding and make it a little more sensible. Here are my ideas how we can.

Don’t Bother

My parents have been together for more than 30 years, and they’re still going strong. Guess what? They never bothered to get married, which was kind of a big deal back when they made the decision. It’s worked out pretty well for them, along with the millions of other couples who chose to simply shack up. These couples have avoided spending thousands of dollars on a wedding, money that can be put to better use elsewhere. They also avoided the stress that inevitably comes with planning the big day.

Elope

If you insist on getting married, say for religious reasons, then keep it small. Great aunt Hortense is going to be a little bummed out that she missed your big day, but she’ll get over it. By keeping the guest list small, you’ll cut down on the costs, the headaches and the logistics of the whole event. Hey, you can even go to Vegas if that rattles your cage.

Insist on No Gifts

You’re a grown up once you get married, right? With people putting school, careers and travel ahead of getting married on their priority lists, they’ve given themselves plenty of time to acquire the necessities of life. You might want a garlic crimper, but you sure don’t need one. Have you seen the amount of stuff the average newlyweds haul away from their wedding?

Why not use your big day as an excuse to do something for the better good? If you have a favorite charity or three, insist that, in lieu of gifts, donations will be accepted. If you’re an animal lover, help out the humane society. If you’re into reading, help out the library. You get the idea.

At their worst, weddings become a simple exchange. I’m a firm believer that one of the main reasons weddings have grown in size is simply because the bride and groom want more stuff. Since they often don’t even pay for their big day, it becomes a pretty sweet gig for them. Plus, if you’re a lady, you’ve got to go to the bridal shower, which is another gift. When will the madness stop?

Readers, how do you feel about travelling to a wedding, and then having to spend money for a gift on top of that? Do you think it’s great, or do you secretly cringe whenever you get a wedding invitation in the mail?

 Posted by Nelson Smith at 4:20 am

Screw It. I’ll Just Masturbate Instead.

 Sex and Money  13 Responses »
Jan 102012
 

Recently, I was sent an interesting article by PK from Don’t Quit Your Day Job. (or NAMBLA for short) He’s decided that it’s his job to link to interesting articles in comments he leaves on the Saturday Morning Link Dump. And I, for one, want to encourage him to keep doing it, since he’s feeding me some pretty interesting stuff. The one I’m going to talk about today is from a couple weeks ago, from the Washington Post. I’ve since lost the tab the article was open in, so I’m just going to give you guys the gist of it, rather than linking to it.

Basically, there are women who live in large cities who have decided that a good way to get free food at nice restaurants is to join dating websites and go out with guys just so they can get a free dinner. These women have no desire to go on second dates with these guys, they’re just after the free food.

All sorts of thoughts swam through my head as I read the article. Why don’t these chicks learn to cook? Is restaurant food really delicious enough to endure a 2 hour dinner with somebody you don’t really like? Is this really about the food – or is it about these girls having guys appreciate their company enough to buy them dinner?

As I finished the article, I had one overwhelming thought. It wasn’t that these women are bad people for leading on the guys – after all, many of the guys were probably just hoping to get a quick lay for the price of a dinner anyway. And it wasn’t disappointment with the world of online dating in general, even though there are all sorts of problems with the concept.

My conclusion? Dating in general is kinda stupid.

Think about it. It’s expensive, especially when you’re the guy, who is still expected to take initiative for the whole process. (and therefore foot the bill, at least at first) There are a bunch of arbitrary rules, like no sex until the 3rd date. People who aren’t physically attractive either have to settle for those who are similarly ugly, or take their pick of more attractive people with issues. Both parties are walking on eggshells, nervously trying not to say or do anything stupid.

But we all do it. And you know why? No, it’s not so we can meet that perfect partner. It’s so we can get laid.

Dating is just an elaborate game so we can have sex with each other. Sure, the kids these days are having all sorts of casual sex, but that’s hardly a guarantee, so they start to couple off in search for more steady sex. Monogamy does have its advantages.

After a while of being together, one half of the couple (usually the woman) will push to make the relationship more permanent. So they get married, which can be a great financial boon if your cards are played right. If this couple is lucky, they’ll beat the odds and stay together. It’s all so romantic.

These days, there are all sorts of single people who are simply choosing not to bother with the whole dating scene. It’s expensive, it’s nerve wracking, and can lead to self esteem issues if the object of your affection rejects you. Is this really the best way to go through life?

If you’re a guy and you’re reading this, think about all the cash you can save by just masturbating instead. Yeah, that’s right, I said it. No more buying women dinner. No more driving clear across town to pick them up. No more buying them a drink in a crowded bar. No more giving into their crappy whims about going to the mall, so they can buy a new outfit to further stuff into their closest. You’ll easily save 72 hours and $32,402 per year. (Author’s estimate. Your results may vary.)

You scoff at the idea, and I’m not really being entirely serious, but just think of all the money you can save by kissing the dating scene good-bye. Plus, you won’t have to spend countless hours getting to know a girl, hours that can be spent padding your income and net worth. You won’t have to buy her dinner (and she won’t have to buy it for you either) 3 times a week for 6 months, since that’s what every couple does. There’s no anniversary presents and no birthday gifts, no guilt about putting in extra time at work, and no nagging because you never buy her flowers. Over the course of a year, you could pretty easily save a couple thousand bucks by staying single.

Yeah, not getting laid sucks, but so does an unwanted pregnancy, or a STD, or sexy pictures of you leaking onto the internet. Sex can turn very bad very quickly. Or, remember all those promiscuous kids I mentioned earlier, the ones having all the casual sex? Go find one of them for all your sexy fun. You get the sex without having to pay for the girlfriend.

Ladies, this applies to you too. Since you’ve fought so hard for the ability to pay your own way in a relationship, you’re probably footing at least half the bill. You’ll also save yourself to be more focused for work, since you won’t be tired after the non-existent sexy time the night before. Maybe you’ll get that promotion and help close the gender wage gap, ever so slightly.

Remember, masturbation is free, easy, and best of all, drama free. No one’s ever been rejected by their own hand.

 Posted by Nelson Smith at 11:08 pm

Why Do Men Think They Need Money To Attract Women?

 Sex and Money  5 Responses »
Nov 302011
 

[This is a guest post from Martin over at Studenomics. His blog doesn't suck. Go check it out.]

What’s the most money that you’ve ever spent on sex?

Alright don’t get offended and don’t run away just yet. You know this is a valid question. Us guys never directly pay for sex, but we sure as hell pay for it indirectly. We pay for it with dinner, gifts, and many other ways. The most money that I ever spent on sex when I took out my girlfriend at the time to a $200 dinner for our two-year anniversary. I was young, dumb, and not as serious about personal finance as I am now.

What about you? What’s the most money that you’ve spent on sex?

When Nelson asked if breast implants were the key to success, I figured that this would be a fun place to open up this discussion.

I have an acquaintance (can’t really consider him a friend) that is always broke because he spends all of his money on trying to attract women. He once spent about two grand to go see a chick he met online. He flew from Toronto to Vancouver during the busiest time of the year and spared no expenses. Then there have been times where he buys the most expensive wardrobe for a first date. All of this spending money on women has resulted in him being broke at the age of 28. His success rate isn’t that impressive either.

Allow me to share a story from last year when I was a single man (off the market now, sorry!)…

Before going out on the town I told my buddies that I was going to say the stupidest stuff that I could come up with when approaching chicks at the bar. Long story short, I told a chick I was a broke man. She started off as your typical gold digger at the bar. Then when she asked for a drink, I provided her with a glass of water and told her I had no money for a real drink. We had the best convos all night about how I can make money quick and other fun topics. It ended up being one of the most memorable nights of that winter season. That’s all I will say.

It’s not what you say. It’s how you say it.

Do you need to spend the big bucks to meet women?

ABSOLUTELY NOT. This is the biggest myth in the history of attraction and finance. You don’t need money to meet cool and down-to-Earth chicks, especially in your 20s. Stop using a lack of money as an excuse for your lack of success in the dating world. An empty pocket should never hold you back. Only an empty mind can hold you back. Don’t be ashamed if you live
in a run down house or if you’re not rich. It’s not where you are, it’s where you’re going that matters.

What’s the point of this article?

Keep it in your pants gentlemen. Your wallet that is. There’s no need to be spending your hard earned money on trying to impress chicks.

You can learn how to get a girls number without going broke. Attracting women, going out with friends, and having a great time in your 20s doesn’t mean that you have to lose all of your money.

There’s nothing wrong with spending the big bucks on a huge anniversary, birthday or Christmas (don’t get me started on that February holiday). For the rest of the year, you need to stop feeling that you need to blow big
money just to attract women. For starters you only attract gold diggers with money and you’ll never find anyone that likes you for who you are. I won’t get emotional on you. I’ll just finish up by repeating myself for the 26th time– you don’t need money to meet women.

This guest post was brought to you by Martin of Studenomics, where he helps you determine what is a good credit score and how
you can start a business with no money today.

 Posted by Nelson Smith at 4:20 am
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